


Rewind

by StillNotGinger10 (lilshorty7923)



Series: Redo [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, First Time, Future Fic, Humor, M/M, Post Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Prequel, Romance, Slash, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/744983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilshorty7923/pseuds/StillNotGinger10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a kind of prequel to my story, Redo. It's a mostly non-linear collection of moments from before Redo started (from Ed and Al's original time line).</p><p>Can be read on its own so far.</p><p>Rated for yaoi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Roy and Ed Discuss Ed's Sexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place when Ed and Al are staying with Roy in Central before they go off to travel, and after Alphonse gets his new body healthy. Roy and Ed aren't in a relationship yet, and Ed is 17, almost 18. (For more info on the overall timeline of the series, check ch. 1 of Redo)
> 
> I know there is a line in here that mimics one in ch. 3 of Redo. That's on purpose. Ed was sort of referencing this moment even though he would be the only one to get the joke.

"What are you doing?" Roy asked as he walked into the study.

Edward was sitting at Roy's desk, writing furiously in a notebook. Around him, books were scattered on the desk and floor, most closed but some open to the last page Ed had read before becoming distracted.

"Writing out some theories," Ed said. He looked up and gestured to the bookshelves lining the two walls behind and to the left of Ed. "You have some really interesting books here."

"You'll have to come back after you've finished traveling," Roy said. "Though I don't think you'd be able to stay long enough to finish my entire library."

"Challenge accepted," Ed said with a laugh. He turned back to the paper in front of him. He may not have his alchemy anymore, but he was still an alchemist. His brain wouldn't stop producing the same crazy ideas it had since the first time he opened an alchemy book.

"Are you working on any theory in particular?" Roy asked as he took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace that was to Ed's right.

"I'm just finishing up a few that Al and I were playing with earlier. They should be ready for him to test out tomorrow morning." Ed looked up just in time see Roy drop his eyes. He still wore his smirk though, and the downcast eyes made Roy's face look sadder, more bitter. There was something in his eyes that Ed couldn't quite place, but it had been there since he walked in the room. Pride? But that didn't make sense. Why would he be proud? Of Ed? It seemed that way, but Ed was just working on some theories, he hadn't even tested them out yet.

He sketched out one last array. He hesitated for a moment before pressing his fingers to it. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. Ed sighed.

He stood and stretched. Then he walked over and fell onto the couch next to Roy. Ed let his eyes fall closed, and with a yawn, slid to the side until his head landed on Roy's shoulder. Roy moved his arm so that it was curled around Ed's back a little more. Ed thought he felt Roy's hand on the end of his hair for a moment, but then it was gone. It was probably an accident. His hair was really getting too long, especially when it was down the way it was right then.

"So, what exactly happened with that Marley girl? You're letter didn't really explain," Roy asked.

With a groan, Ed slumped in the other direct until his forehead hit the arm of the couch. He felt the cushion move as Roy readjusted. Ed peeked and saw that Roy was sitting with his arms loosely crossed and had turned so that he was settled in the corner of the couch with one leg half on the seat.

"Do we have to go into this?" Ed asked.

"I'm just curious," Roy said, "I didn't hear many negatives about her in your letters."

"She didn't really have many negatives." Ed sighed. He closed his eyes and pressed his face into the couch arm, making it become more muffled. "Smart, beautiful, funny, great with Al, and she even had a cat that she let him play with." Ed sat up and turned to face Roy. "But I just- I didn't… You're supposed to feel something, right? Like, what is it, sparks or something? People call it chemistry, and to me that's reactions, and change, two becoming one, lonely elements becoming strong, superior compounds, and making sparks, or fire, or foam that's too much for a beaker to contain. But with her it was just…. We were water and oil, you know? Not that we didn't get along well, but we just couldn't mix. We couldn't form one, and we could be easily separated." Ed knew he was rambling, knew he sounded, and probably looked, desperate, but he couldn't stop. "But why? We got along so great, but there was just never- I just can't seem to connect with anyone." He looked down with a sigh. "It's like this with every girl I talk to."

"Even Miss Rockbell?" Roy asked.

"Winry's Winry," Ed said, brushing the question off. "She's like my sister, I just don't see her like that. Al does though, I think." Ed leaned back in the seat, his head tilted towards the ceiling. "She keeps picking on me because apparently I don't notice when the girls in town look at me. I just don't really notice that sort of thing, you know? Like I'm not tuned in to girl radar, or frequencies, or whatever… I don't know. But then when I try I just fail at the relationship part. Maybe something's just wrong with me." Ed looked up to see Roy staring at him. His face was really intense and curious. Ed gave him a questioning look, but he just kept staring. Ed nudged Roy's leg and said, "Besides the usual, right?" He flashed Roy a smile. This was how they were supposed to go. Roy was supposed to say something mocking, yet reassuring.

"I don't think anything's wrong with you," Roy said slowly. "Maybe you just really are tuned in to a different frequency."

"What? What does that mean?"

"Ed, maybe," Roy started but paused. "Maybe you should consider the idea that those girls aren't what you're looking for. Maybe they're not the variable missing in your chemistry equation."

"Then what is?"

"Have you ever felt a connection with someone else? Maybe even just the beginnings of one? That kind of feeling you were talking about?"

"I—"

"With someone not a girl?"

Ed stared at Roy. His brain stopped working for a moment. Not a girl? But then— "You think I'm gay?" He asked, incredulous.

"I just think—"

"I thought you said you thought there was nothing wrong with me. Then how do you—" Ed cut himself off. He wasn't expecting the hurt look that flashed across Roy's face.

"You think loving another man means there's something wrong with you?"

"I— I don't know." He really didn't. Ed had never thought about this. It was a subject that he knew was a little more accepted in Central, but it wasn't talked about in Risembool. It just wasn't. And when he was traveling through Central and the other cities, he had bigger problems on his mind then his opinions on sexuality.

They stared at each other for a minute, at least. Ed almost expected a cricket to start chirping.

"You should consider all possible variables to an experiment before declaring it a failure," Roy said, and Ed could see his mask falling back in place. He hadn't even realized how much more open Roy had been lately. He watched Roy stand and walk to the door. "Goodnight," he said without turning back towards Ed.

"Yeah, g'night," Ed muttered.

* * *

The next night, Ed sat down wearily to dinner. He hadn't seen much of Roy all day, and wasn't sure if things were still tense from the night before. Ed had slept in that morning, which meant Roy had already gone to work by the time Ed had gotten up. Then he had spent a good portion of the day supervising alchemy experiments performed by Al. This had caused some damage to the Brigadier General's yard, so another couple of hours had been dedicated to clean up; although Ed suspected that was Al's nice way of saying cover up. Al seemed to think the best way to keep the damage and cover up a secret was for them to stay away from Roy until they were absolutely positive that he wasn't going to notice. So Ed was barricaded in the library "doing research" with Al until their hunger drove them out for dinner.

Their worries turned out to be unfounded because Roy acted perfectly normal throughout dinner. Both Elrics relaxed as the conversation stayed on topics like Roy's work, and Ed and Al's travel plans.

It wasn't until he was Ed was left alone with Roy that he realized he had been lulled into a false sense of security.

Al had excused himself early to take a phone call from Winry in another room while Ed and Roy finished eating.

"Al seems to be getting along with Miss Rockbell," Roy said.

"Yeah, well like I said, he likes her. She likes him too, they're just dancing around each other now." It was quiet for a moment before Ed realized what he'd just said. _Shit_ , he hadn't meant to bring up their conversation.

"Ed, about last night..."

"We really don't have to talk about that… Ever. I mean people don't really talk about that, right?"

"It's true that it's not a subject usually discussed over dinner."

"But we're discussing it over dinner?"

"Well, come on, Ed, since when have you ever followed social niceties? Besides we seem to be done with dinner. Perhaps, it's a conversation entirely suitable to hold over a sink full of dishes."

Ed snorted, but followed Roy over to the sink carrying his share of the china.

"I just think-" Roy began as Ed added soap to a plate.

"You made it pretty clear what you  _just think_ ," Ed said. He had to force his hands to relax on the plate.  _Damn, this is awkward_ , he thought, but as much as Ed wanted the subject dropped, his mouth had other ideas. "Can't I just be normal at this one thing? Why do we have to poke and prod and turn it until I'm even bigger freak than just a kid with a metal leg?"

"You're not a-" Roy cut himself off with a sigh. As Ed passed him the plate he noticed Roy's jaw tense, he seemed to be stealing himself up for a change in tactic. "Do you think I'm a freak then?"

"What?" Ed asked as he started washing a glass cup.

"Well, if you think that makes someone a freak, then you must think that I'm a freak," Roy said, eyes focused on the plate he was drying.

"What are you saying?" Ed said with a laugh. "You're making it sound like you're…" he cut off as the now clean cup almost slipped from his hands. He whipped his head around to stare at Roy. "But your not."

Roy reached over and grabbed the glass from Ed. "I think I would know better than you," he said with a twist to his mouth, and still avoiding Ed's eyes.

"No, but— but, you date women all the time.  _Women,_ Mustang."

"Do I?" he asked with a raised brow. He put down the glass and turned to Ed.

"Yeah, I used to hear about it all the time. Elizabeth's and Jacqueline's, and probably a dozen others."

Roy laughed. "Elizabeth is Colonel Hawkeye, and—"

"You're dating Hawkeye!?" Ed asked, shocked. He was facing Roy too by this point; the dishes lay forgotten in the sink.

"No. It's her code name for in case anyone is listening in on my phone line. Jacqueline is Jean Havoc."

"So you're dating Havoc then?" Ed asked. He was so confused. This conversation was not going any of the ways he had pictured it. Roy gave him an exasperated look. "Ok, fine," Ed said, "But- but then—"

"But then most of those girls you heard about were your co-workers on secret missions for me, and the rest were probably meetings with informants made to look like dates," Roy said. Ed wanted to sit down. His whole world was being realigned, and Roy didn't even seem to notice as he kept talking, "Ed, maybe you're right and you just haven't found the right girl, or maybe now just isn't the time for your mind to be focusing on relationships so it's resisting, I don't know. But if I'm right, then things would become less confusing if you just opened yourself up to the idea."

That wasn't right though, was it? Ed was straight, he was just having some girl trouble lately. That didn't mean— He was just… But hadn't he felt more of a connection with Ling Yao than he had with any of those girls?

Roy reached out to him, and he instinctively stepped back. Roy pulled his hand back as if burned, and hurt flashed in his eyes.

Ed's eyes widened. He hadn't meant to do that. It wasn't Roy; he was just so confused, and there were so many thoughts, and he just didn't want to be touched right that second. But even more than that, he didn't want to hurt Roy, who was just trying to help. Even if he was wrong.  _Wrong, wrong,_   _wrong._

"I didn't—" Ed started, reaching a hand out to Roy this time, but Roy didn't see that. He was focused on where Al was coming into the kitchen behind Ed.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Ed watched all genuine emotion leave Roy's face. His mask was back in place; the usual smirk, but there was something missing from his eyes. "I was just asking your brother about my fence. It's seems even cleaner than usual, you boys didn't have to do that."

"Well, you know, we just…" Al mumbled.

"Thank you both. I'll have to go out and inspect it  _more thoroughly_  later."

The color drained from Al's face. "Right. Umm, you're umm, welcome. I just— I uh, just remembered something that I forgot to tell Winry. Talk to you both later," Al said in a rush before running out of the room.

"My brother is a coward," Ed mumbled. He flashed Roy a small, tentative smile, but it wasn't returned as they both went back to washing the dishes.


	2. In Which Ed Proposes An Experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place not long after the first chapter.

Ed was sitting on the floor in Roy's study. He leaned heavily on the table in front of the couch, where Roy was sitting. Roy's paperwork was spread out across the table.

Ed shook out his cramped hand. Why had he wagered on their chess match? It's not like two years of playing against Al, who was also still learning, would be enough practice to beat Roy, who had been playing his whole life.

But he  _had_  wagered. He'd been swept up in the moment, caught up in the fantasy of wiping that damn smirk off of Mustang's smug face, and had made a bet. Breakfast, made by Roy and delivered to Ed in bed, vs. Ed doing all of Roy's weekend paperwork. And he was pretty sure that the bastard had saved most of it up during the week to bring home.

The punishment was turning out worse than Ed ever feared. His hand hurt; Roy was unhelpfully reading the newspaper while drinking coffee, and occasionally glancing at Ed with a smirk, which was always met with a glare; and no matter how many times Ed repositioned himself—at the desk, on the couch, laying on the floor, sitting on the floor—he couldn't get comfortable. Probably because he was being tormented by such _uncomfortable_  thoughts. That was the absolute worst part. The monotonous forging of Roy's signature left Ed's overactive mind far too free for thoughts, and Ed already spent too much time thinking these days.

Ever since  _that talk_  conflicting thoughts had been running around Ed's head. Was he just having trouble finding the right girl? Was he attracted to guys? How could you tell something like that? Wasn't it normal to get along better with your own gender? He could appreciate the attractiveness of a woman. Winry was pretty, so was Hawkeye; but sometimes studying a woman's body made him think of water, 35 liters; carbon, 20 kilograms; ammonia, 4 liters; lime, 1.5 kilograms; phosphorous, 800 grams; salt, 250 grams; saltpeter, 100 grams; sulfur, 80 grams; fluorine, 7.5 grams; iron, 5 grams; silicon, 3 grams; and trace amounts of 15 other elements…

…Mood killer.

Then there was the way Ed could still clearly remember how Ling looked when he took his shirt off during one of their spars, and Ed knew Mustang was good looking with his disheveled hair.

Ed sighed as he signed Roy's name again. He'd never thought about this before, never considered it. Why would he have? It wasn't normal, but if Roy… Well, as much as he hated to admit it, Ed had always respected Roy.

Realizing he hadn't signed anything in a few minutes, Ed put down his pen. Roy looked over as Ed shifted his legs, trying once again to get more comfortable.

"I need more variables," Ed mumbled.

"To sign my name?" Roy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Ed leaned back on his hands, and studied Roy.  _How do you know these sorts of things?_  Ed wasn't great with people and feelings under the best of circumstances, but _this_? He was a scientist; he dealt in facts, provable, testable facts and hypothesis.  _This_ was too uncertain. He didn't have all of the information obviously. He needed more, he needed to test Roy's hypothesis.

By this point, Roy had put down his paper and stared at Ed.

"I think we should kiss," Ed blurted out. He felt his face fill with color as Roy's eyes widened. "It's for science," Ed explained hastily.

Roy blinked. "You think we should kiss… for science," he said slowly.

Ed shifted again so that he was kneeling, leaning on the table, facing Roy. "Yes," Ed said, "That's how you prove a hypothesis, with an experiment." Roy stared at Ed like he had gone insane. He was probably confused, but of course he was because Ed wasn't explaining very well, was he? Ed shifted again. "Your hypothesis. From the other day, remember? But how am I supposed to know, you know? I mean, if I don't know, because I don't, how can I know without gathering all of the information?" Ed couldn't stop talking.  _Shut up, you idiot_ , he thought to himself,  _why did you say anything at all?_  Because he had to _know_. He  _had_  to, and this was the best way to find out. "I'm lacking data in certain areas. Too much to make a final decision," Ed continued. He took a deep breath. It was hard to hold Roy's eye, but he managed, even though he knew that his face must be bright red. "I've kissed girls before, and we've discussed the unsatisfying results. So, to make an informed decision, I need to repeat the experiment with a change in the gender variable." Roy's eyes softened. Ed glanced away and scratched the back of his head. He mumbled awkwardly, "So, yeah… I think we should kiss. For science." He peaked at Roy through his bangs.

"Oh, Ed," he said gently. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm missing something?" Ed asked.

"The friendship variable, the ex-boss factor, and the age variation—"

"Age variation? Are you calling me a kid? I'm almost 18, bastard, days away from it."

"I'm 14 years older than you—"

"You're not  _that_  old." Roy gave Ed a glare. Ed continued, "Oh, come on, I didn't mean it like that." Ed jumped to his feet and sat facing Roy on the couch, one leg tucked under him and the other dangling down to the floor. "I meant that, I mean, yeah you're old, but—" Ed cut himself off and buried his head between Roy's shoulder and the couch cushion with a groan. Nothing was coming out right. Why was he so flustered?

"If this is how you asked for permission to kiss those girls, then I'm not surprised that it didn't go well." Ed could  _hear_  the smirk in his voice.

"Shut  _up_ ," Ed whined. He lifted his head again. "I meant that you're  _older_  than I am. That's fact. But I don't really think of it like that. You're older, but not old…" Ed paused, trying to make sense of his thoughts. "You're  _Roy_ ," he finally just blurted. He sighed. Well Ed always knew he was a failure with feelings. "Damn it, Mustang," he growled. "I'm not asking you to skip around Central holding hands with me. I'm just asking you to help me in a social experiment. I'm sure we, as two consenting adults, can manage  _one_  kiss without it affecting our friendship or non-existent work relationship." Ed glared as Roy leaned his head back and covered his face with his hands.

"I expected you to ask questions maybe, but not this," Roy said.

"I can ask questions," Ed said. Roy lowered his hands, and raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Ed. Ed continued, "How did  _you_  know? That you were…" he trailed off, looking for the right word.

Roy nodded and turned more to face Ed. "I spent years in a situation similar to yours. Failed relationships, no 'spark," as you put it, and wondering what was wrong with me." He sighed. "Then I started noticing things. I was appreciating the aesthetics of my fellow male soldiers more than I should have, I didn't want to spy on the girls with the other guys in academy… It was a lot of little things adding up over a number of years." He waved his hand as if to wave off the thought. "Realizations led to panic, which led to denial and overcompensation, then eventual acceptance and self-actualization. I'm sorry, Ed, but I don't think there is one sure test."

There had to be though. Ed didn't want to spend years wondering. Well, maybe he had a head start since he had Roy to point it out to him. It didn't sound like Mustang had anyone like that when he was younger.

"Where do you meet guys?" Ed asked.

Roy averted his gaze. "I don't know." He cleared his throat. "I've heard rumors of a few places, but they aren't really places it would be appropriate for someone of my rank and reputation to frequent."

"What about when you were younger?" Ed tried to catch Roy's eye, but couldn't.

"By the time I fully realized… The war had already ended."

"And you were the Hero of Ishval."

Roy gave a dark chuckle. "Even early on I was adept at gaining the attention and applaud of my superiors."

 _All eyes on him_ , Ed thought. No room to be confused, or anything less than perfect. How would he even approach the subject? Ed was having trouble and he  _knew_  that Roy was gay. How had he never considered this before? Because he was too busy being selfish, and Mustang was supposed to be experienced at everything. The best at anything he put his mind to. Smarter than Ed with things like this. "So you've never..." Ed trailed off. Roy had never even kissed a man? So much for him having enough experience to help Ed through his identity crisis. Ed shifted closed to Roy on the couch. "So then a kiss might benefit both of us." Ed could have smacked himself when Roy started to glare.

"Alright," Ed said, "That was stupid, but its just one kiss." Ed leaned closer. "Really quick. Closed mouth." Ed started to close the small gap between them. His heart beat faster, harder, as he reached his hand out to Roy's face. He reached so slowly, but Roy didn't move away. The pounding in his ears was so loud, distracting him as his fingers touched Roy's jaw and skimmed up so that Ed could cup his face. His cheek was fairly smooth, but definitely rougher than any girl's Ed had ever touched. Hard, defined, and covered in the beginnings of 5 o'clock shadow.

Ed's eyes drifted to Roy's lips as he leaned forward.  _Please don't let me miss_ , he thought. Then he closed the gap, and his eyes, and touched his lips to Roy's.

His lips were harder than a girl's, but softer than Ed expected. No fruity smells from lip gloss, just coffee and a stronger version of the smell of Roy's house.

Roy moved his lips to kiss him back, and without meaning to, Ed shifted his hand so that it was half in Roy's hair. So soft. Roy's hand touched his side. It was sudden, and Ed's stomach muscles twitched in surprise, sending a shiver coursing through his whole body. His heart kicked into another gear; louder, impossibly fast, and Ed saw...

...sparks.

Ed jolted away from Roy. Not far enough though, Roy's face still filled his entire vision. Soft black hair, deep, dark eyes, clear skin stretched across a handsome face that held lips that Ed could still feel the ghost of tingling against his own.

"Huh," Ed said.

"'Huh'?" Roy asked with a raised brow and incredulous tone.

Ed realized that Roy's fingertips were still touching his side, but they fell as Ed scrambled up from the couch. He backed towards the door muttering about having to go.

"Ed," Roy began.

"The results of any experiment should be studied thoroughly and at length before a conclusion is reached," Ed said quickly, the words tumbling over each other in their race to get out of his mouth.

Then he ran from the room like the coward he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, it won't take me long to get the next chapter of this story out, and then I'll focus on the next chapter of Redo.
> 
> Please let me know if you find any mistakes, so that I can fix them asap :) And feel free to tell me if you have ideas, or if there is a scene you would like to see.


	3. In which meanings are questioned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve gone back and changed Ed’s age. He’s now already 18, which I’m making the legal age in Amestris (for alcohol, to be considered an adult, etc.). I had a plan for Roy and Ed getting together on Ed’s birthday, but I needed him 18 here and I like the way they get together here better.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by a conversation with amethyst_koneko on LJ (I hope you like your cameo!) and a request in a review on ff.net by bunnynohoogle.
> 
> This chapter is just shy of 7,000 words! So much for this being a series of non-linear drabbles lol
> 
>  
> 
> This takes place the day after the last chapter.

What did it mean?

Was it just different because Roy wasn't a girl?

Was it just surprise at a new sensation?

_Soft, short hair tickling as it slid through his fingers._

What had Roy thought?

Why hadn't he stuck around?

_Normally smirking lips relaxed and open._

_Soft as they press against his, a light pressure._

Ed glanced at the clock for what felt like the millionth time that night. 5:23 A.M. He needed to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Stop thinking.

Turn off, you stupid brain, turn off!

_A firm hand skimming up his side, leaving a trail of earthquakes in its wake._

Ed groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow.

Stop it.

_What if he hadn't moved away? What if that hand had been allowed to touch more?_

_Would he want that?_

I said stop it!

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

* * *

About two hours later, Ed heard Roy walk by on his way to work. He would stop in the kitchen, Ed knew, and drink some coffee. Then he would go outside and climb into Havoc's car, and then he would go to the office where no doubt more coffee and boredom awaited. Ed knew because he was usually awake to have coffee with Roy before Havoc showed up, or Ed would go to the office with him to see everyone. Occasionally Ed slept in though. Roy would hopefully think he was sleeping today, and not hiding in his room, staring at the ceiling and avoiding thoughts about… well, everything really.

Like if Roy was well rested or if he had trouble sleeping too.

Al was still asleep. Roy had given them separate rooms, but they were right next to each other and Ed hadn't heard Al get up. Al usually slept in though, as if he were making up for all the sleep he had missed while in the armor.

Ed enjoyed sleeping in as much as the next guy, but he also liked his talks with Roy in morning.

What did  _that_  mean?

Ed did his best to ignore all thought, focusing instead on Roy's footsteps, the clink of a coffee mug on the counter, and the soft thud of a chair being pulled out.

Ed put the pillow over his head as he realized just how cowardly he was being, lying in bed and waiting for Roy to leave so that he could get up. Another thud brought to mind images of Roy drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Another few sips and a couple of articles read would pass enough of Roy's morning so that it would be time for work.

Ed heard a knock on the wall he shared with Al. It was a habit they'd picked up while staying at Roy's. In the morning, if they were feeling too lazy to get up, or didn't hear the other in the kitchen or living room, then they would knock on the wall; a knock back let them know that their brother was awake too.

Ed tapped his fist once against the wall. He hoped Roy couldn't hear them. He hoped even more that Al didn't expect him to go to his room now, not outside the door where Roy could see. He didn't want Al to walk to his room either, it might delay Roy leaving, or even worse, let him know that Ed was awake.

As if on cue, Ed heard Roy put his cup in the sink and walk out the door. A few minutes later, Al walked into Ed's room and slid onto the bed.

Ed turned to look at him just as Al said, "Good morning."

"Hey."

Al furrowed his brow, creating wrinkles across his forehead. "You look awful."

"Oh thanks, Al," Ed grumbled before rolling onto his back.

"Well, you do… I thought you went to bed early last night, after your talk with the Brigadier General."

Ed shrugged as much as he could while lying down. "Yeah, but then I couldn't sleep. One of those nights when you can't turn your brain off, you know?"

"Were you thinking about anything specific?"

_Sparks sizzling from his lips to blaze a tingling trail through every nerve in his body._

"Not really."

Silence settled over the room in contrast to the whirlwind of thoughts in Ed's mind. What if he  _was_  gay? What would Al think? Winry? Granny? Would he have to act different? Be different? He didn't feel much different, maybe more confused, but he still felt like Ed.

What did  _that_  mean?

"Do you have any plans for the day?" Al asked.

"No."

"Nothing?"

Ed turned his head to look at Al. "No, why?" Ed sat up a little so that he was leaning on one elbow. "Do you want to leave already?" Ed's chest tightened. If Al wanted to leave, then Ed couldn't argue. They didn't have a reason to stay in Central much longer anyway, not really. Maybe they  _should_  head out soon; they had countries to explore after all. The tightening increased.

"Oh, no," Al said, looking surprised. "I still have places I want to see in Central now that I have my body back. I still haven't tried that bakery you love by headquarters. I was just hoping we could go there for lunch if you didn't have anything to do. I'd love to have something else to cross off my list."

The release of tension felt incredible, like an invisible weight that had been constricting Ed's chest had broken and allowed him his first deep breath in years. He smiled at Al and said, "Let's do it!" Al smiled back as Ed lay flat again. If they didn't have a reason to stay, then why did he feel so anxious at the thought of leaving? Nothing was holding him there,  _nothing_. Definitely not Mustang.

_Would they see him since they would be so close to headquarters? Would he happen to walk by in his starched uniform, looking less ridiculous than any other soldier Ed had ever seen._

"And then after lunch we should head over to the book store."

"Sure, Al. The one down the street from the bakery? I haven't been there since we got back to Central. We can go see what new books they've—"

"No, actually umm, I was thinking the little red one."

Ed gave Al a questioning look. "But we just went there."

Al twisted the bed sheet between his fingers, his eyes focused on his hand and avoiding Ed. "Right, but maybe we missed something there."

"We already searched their whole alchemy section." Al still wasn't look at him. Ed turned to face him completely and continued, "Why do you really want to go?"

Al glanced up at Ed before focusing back on his hand. He shifted around before squaring his shoulders and looking Ed in the eye. "There was this girl—"

Ed leered. "A girl, huh?"

"Yeah, and I told her that you'd go out with her."

"What!?"

"Tonight. That theatre troupe is in town, remember? I told her you'd take her."

"Why would I do that?"

"Well, I already told her you'd go, and—"

"Al," Ed said slowly.

"I just think it would be nice if you had someone to write to while we were traveling."

"What do you mean?" Ed let out a little laugh as he rolled onto his back again. "I write to Roy all the time."

"But this is different. It's like—like—"

"Like how you'll have Winry to write to?" Ed asked with a knowing smirk.

Al blushed and punched Ed on the shoulder. "Shut up."

Ed laughed before they fell into silence again.

"You'll go, right, brother?"

"Al," Ed groaned.

Al leaned up so that Ed could see his face even though he was on his back. "Please?" he asked while doing his best puppy dog eyes. It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. Al knew that Ed would do anything for him, but that didn't mean he should take advantage of the fact that he had such a kind and devoted big brother. Ed was about to inform him of that when Al spoke again, "You said you had nothing to do today, so there's no reason you can't go, right?" Ed swallowed.

_Firm skin, not soft._

_Stubble under his hand._

_A strong hand, larger than his, resting on his side._

"No, no reason at all."

* * *

Roy tried to focus as he filled out another form. He couldn't really remember what the paper before this one had been about, much less the one before that.

He would have liked to have seen Ed before he went to work that morning. As awkward as it might have been, it would have been nice to know where they stood. Would Ed act different around him now, or would he do his best to act like nothing had happened? Things would just get tenser the longer they waited to confront it. He didn't want to lose a good friend over something like this.

But what was this exactly? He knew he had felt something when they kissed. More than something. It had been the best kiss of his life. The most intense, the most passionate, and possible one of the shortest.

Damn Ed for running away. Was he scared because it was good? Roy hadn't been expecting the life, the  _need_ , in the kiss. Maybe Ed hadn't either, and maybe that had spooked him. Or maybe it had only been good for Roy, and Ed had run out of disgust. He thought Ed had liked it, lost himself in the moment, just like Roy had, but was his perception skewed? Had he been too wrapped up in his own feelings to accurately read Ed's last night? Was he too sleep deprived today to clearly remember Ed's reaction?

He'd been up for a while afterwards thinking through possibilities. The most likely ones included Ed wanting nothing romantic from him, either Ed hadn't felt the same or it just helped him realize he was attracted to men, but not Roy specifically. Then again maybe his thoughts from last night were making him doubt himself.

Besides, what did he want from Ed? A relationship? Edward was a child- _except not anymore really; he was 18 now_. Roy wasn't used to being unsure, and he hated the feeling. He was the type of person that planned, that had move after move prepared for the battlefield, be it political, social, or actual war ground. But it had always been difficult to plan around someone as unpredictable as Ed. He had been good at maneuvering him around as a child, but it had gotten more and more challenging as Ed had grown. Thankfully Ed hadn't realized that yet, hadn't realized that Roy didn't actually know his every move before he made it or how he would react in any situation. Time and time again Ed had surprised Roy; not blowing up any buildings, blowing up too many buildings, finding Marco, letting him go, defeating Father, saving Al by giving up something Roy couldn't even fathom as an option yet Ed had thought of and given up, without hesitation, after only considering the problem for a few minutes. How was Roy supposed to calculate the moves in a chess match when he didn't even know what movements his opponent's pieces could make?

"Sir?"

Roy shifted his attention back to his office. In front of him was a document he couldn't remember signing. Raising his gaze he saw Lieutenant Colonel Havoc standing at attention in front of his desk.

"At ease."

Havoc relaxed before saying, "Sir, Colonel Hawkeye requested that I, 'Take the Brigadier General home and help him resolve his distractions before he accidentally signs a petition to go to war.'" Havoc smirked around his cigarette.

Roy looked down at the paper in front of him. It was a routine form, nothing war related. That was good.

"You're no use to us, or the country, as you are." Havoc continued. Then he raised his hands in surrender at Roy's harsh glare. "Her words, not mine, Chief."

Why did she always have to call him useless? Roy deflated in his seat. "She's so harsh," he mumbled.

Havoc chuckled, grabbed Roy's coat, and held it out to him. "Come on."

Roy followed him, but they didn't speak until they were securely in the car and on the road. "What's going on, Chief?" Havoc asked.

Roy sighed, debating. This wasn't just his problem, it was Ed's too, but Havoc was trustworthy and a good friend of Ed's as well. He was one of the few people who knew Roy's sexual preference, and he never judged. His only complaint was that women kept leaving him for Roy, who didn't want them and wasn't even trying. Well, sometimes Roy did try to steal them, but only when they weren't good enough for his Lieutenant Colonel, he was annoyed with Jean, or he just really needed a laugh. There weren't many people Roy could go to, and he needed advice on this one.

"I kissed Edward," Roy said, straight to the point. The drive wasn't long enough for him to beat around the bush.

Havoc's head whipped around to face Roy. By the time he looked back at the road he had to slam on the brakes to just barely manage to stop at a stop sign. Roy straightened from where he had lurched forward and glared. He wondered how Havoc's cigarette hadn't fallen from his mouth yet, between the whiplash and Havoc's gaping.

"Elric?!" Havoc squawked.

 _No, one of the other dozen incredibly attractive Edwards we know that I interact with regularly,_ Roy thought. He turned back to the road, hoping that Havoc would take the hint and do the same. "Actually, he kissed me, I suppose," Roy added smoothly.

Havoc shook his head, and started driving again. "The boss, who'd have known?"

"He certainly didn't," Roy said. "Still doesn't, I don't think."

"How do you mean?"

"He's confused, doesn't know what he wants. He kissed me as an experiment." Roy chuckled darkly. "Then the brat ran away without saying anything."

Havoc glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Sorry, Chief."

Roy shrugged. "I guess it's better he figure this out using me instead of some stranger. Poor kid doesn't have a clue—"

"The boss isn't a kid anymore. Eighteen, right? Legally he's an adult, and he finally looks like he grew into one," Havoc said, and Roy smirked. "Besides, he hasn't been a kid in years if you ask me," he finished, somber.

"You think?" Roy asked while looking out the passenger window.

A snort. "I know. Think about it, all they've been through, all the  _secrets_  they've had to keep. The boss got pretty good at it. Much better than some kid."

"Hmm." Roy watched as the scenery in the window changed to that of his street. "Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Just reminding you of the facts, Chief."

* * *

This was possibly the most awkward date Ed had ever been on. He was distracted, his date, Jill, was distracted, and it wasn't over even though the show had ended. Ed had promised Al that he would take her out for drinks afterwards. They needed to talk about the show and discover everything they had in common because, apparently, Al could tell just from meeting her once that she would get along amazingly well with his brother. At least the buzz Ed had going helped.

They were sitting in a booth in a bar, and they were in the perfect spot for Ed to be able to see out a window and pretend he was outside going somewhere else. But where would he go? Roy's? That was the one good thing about this never ending date, it helped him put off going to Roy's where he'd either have to sneak around or be put in a situation more awkward than any that had occurred on his date.

"Sorry that I'm such bad company tonight," Jill said, breaking Ed from his thoughts. He turned to her. She was pretty, brown curly hair and a cute stretch of freckles on her nose, but Ed appreciated her beauty in the same detached sort of way that he did every other girl's.

"No, you've been fine," he said because he promised Al he would be nice.

"Ugh, don't lie to me," she groaned, and slumped in her seat. This was the most animated Ed had seen her yet, and he couldn't help but blink in surprise. "I've been awful," she continued, "I'm in a bad mood, and I've been taking it out on you. I told Alphonse not to plan this; I knew this would happen."

"You didn't want to go either?"

"No." She sighed. "I'm sorry," she said with a wince. "It's just—I mean it wasn't exactly a break up, but…"

"You're getting over someone, and it's too soon?"

"I wish. No, my reason is so lame, but I'm not getting over someone, I'm  _pining_ after someone."

"What?" Ed asked. This girl had just gone from boring to confusing as hell in two seconds flat.

She leaned forward on her elbows on the table, making motions with her hands as she spoke. "You see, he just got together with someone. I knew there was no chance he'd be with me, but there was hope when he was single, and now he's with her and there is absolutely no chance. I still can't help but like him though." She sighed again as she dropped her arms onto the table. "Why didn't you want to come then? Are you pining too? Maybe we can be losers together."

Ed's eye caught on a black haired, male soldier that walked by the window, but the shoulders were too narrow.

"I am  _not_ pining," Ed snapped.

Jill raised an eyebrow. "That seemed a little defensive, Edward, are you perhaps lying?"

"No," he said with a glare.

"Really, there is no one at all? You've been distracted too. You weren't thinking about anyone else while we were out?"

He turned his face away from her, and then glanced back before he answered, "It's not like that."

"Ohhhhh, so there is a someone," she cooed.

Ed slumped down in his seat and glared some more. "Not a someone like you're thinking of."

"Right, because you're  _not_  pining."

"Right."

"Well, we can test that. Easy," she said, perking up in her seat. Ed eyed her mischievous smile apprehensively. "Okay, so this someone, who is not a someone, do you think about her before you go to sleep?"

Even before last night that was true, but only because he tended to read Roy's letters in the evening. Of course his thoughts drifted to Roy when he had just spent an hour reading and writing about him. Ed shrugged, "Sometimes."

"Do you ever lose sleep because you were thinking about her?"

 _Last night was a fluke_ , Ed told himself. "It was just the once," he said out loud, and tried hard not to remember the nights he would get up from bed because he had to write down a theory he wanted to share with Roy, or the nights his brain kept thinking about his next move in the long distance chess match Roy and he had played while he was in Resembool, or the nights he felt too restless because Resembool at night was just  _too quiet_  so he lay thinking of Central, and of course Roy would be there, with or without his team, because how could you picture Central without soldiers.

"Do you get excited to see her, even if you aren't going to do anything especially fun or exciting, do you look forward to seeing her?"

He had only been so fidgety on the train to Central because he hadn't traveled in so long. It had nothing to do with Roy waiting at the train station.  _You're looking forward to seeing him now, even though you know it will be awkward, even though you're dreading it, you still want to see him._ Ed shook his head to get rid of the voice in his mind.

"Imagine that she's touching your arm, how does it feel? Tingles in your arm, butterflies in your stomach?"

Ed could clearly imagine Roy's hand on him, as warm as last night, trailing up his arm. He shivered.

"Now imagine her by other guys, laughing and flirting," Jill said, her face twisted with disgust.

His chest tightened like it did this morning, only this time something else was compressing it, something like anger and hurt mixed together and squeezing the air out of his lungs.

"Now the big one: can you imagine  _you_  with anyone else?"

He had already decided that he couldn't see himself with Jill, and none of the other girls he had dated had worked either. But the experiment wasn't to see if he liked  _Roy_ , it was to see if he liked  _men_. So even if it meant he was gay, even if the sparks meant that he would only ever feel that way while kissing men, it didn't mean that he was _pining_  for  _Roy Mustang_ of all people.

Ed looked out the window again at a man buying something across the street. He was probably only a few years older than Ed, with light colored hair falling down past his ears in small waves, slim but fit, good looking. Ed tried to imagine touching his face the way he had Roy's, but it felt wrong. He imagined the man grabbing his side, but it just made him uncomfortable. He couldn't imagine the man having anything as interesting to say as his alchemic debates with Roy.

Ed slumped back in his chair, wide eyed. "How the  _hell_  did that happen?" he whispered.

Jill leaned back too, her good mood mostly gone. "These things just do."

Ed sighed. "Well, what do you do next? Once you've realized…" He wasn't going to say it. He might have feelings for Roy, but he had them in a much manlier way than _pining_.

"Well, there are two choices from what I understand. You can, A, say nothing, act normal, and pretend to be happy once they find someone else. This is what I've chosen to do. It's miserable. I don't recommend it. Or you can, B, tell them how you feel and hope that they return your feelings. This option is more risky, you're in danger from laugher, pity, and/or ruined friendship, but the rewards are better because you could potentially get a kiss."

"What if I've already kissed… her? Could I skip that step?"

Jill blinked. "You've already kissed?"

Ed rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, yeah. Then… ughh. Then I sort of freaked out and ran away." He buried his face in his hands. "I've ruined everything, haven't I?" Ed groaned.

"Probably, but now you've got my help so we'll see if we can fix this." She stood up. "This much stupidity calls for more alcohol. I'll get us more drinks while you start thinking of apologies," she said before walking away.

What had he done? How could Roy take him seriously after this? Would he have taken him seriously to begin with? Ed was 14 years younger, he was annoying, and bratty, and part metal. They argued all the time, he was obsessed with alchemy and his little brother, and he was about to leave the country. Roy was handsome, and successful, and yeah he was a bastard, but he was usually a well-intentioned bastard.

Two shots and two beers clinked down in front of him. He looked up as Jill sat down across from him. She moved one if the shot glasses in front of him and took the other. "One," she said with a smile. "Two." Ed hurried to grab his own. "Three." They downed their shots together before slamming them back down. "Now," Jill said as they stared drinking their beers, "What do you think she'll say when you confess you're feelings?"

Ed tried to imagine confessing to Roy. It was overly dramatic in his mind, with flowers and candles and a grandiose speech. Ed's nose crinkled. Ugh that sounded awful, and Mustang would probably just laugh.

"Do I have to confess? Couldn't I just propose that we go on a date? See how that works? Like an experiment to see if two elements combine or react well together?" That could work. Ed could pitch it as the next logical step from their last experiment.

"What?" Jill asked. She was giving him a look of complete disbelief. What? He hadn't said anything wrong. "No," she continued. "You can't just ask her out. You have to apologize and give her a reason to go out with you. You've screwed up, Elric, and you have to make up for it," she said, matter of fact. "So what would she say?"

 _Stop calling me she, probably._  Ed had to fight back a grin when he thought of what Roy's reaction to being mistaken for a girl would be.

"Well... She would list all the reasons we shouldn't be together."

"Are there a lot?" Jill asked.

"Yeah, well-"

"That'll just make it more interesting. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, thrives for a challenge, right?"

Ed laughed. He took another gulp of his drink. "Right! I haven't had a decent challenge in awhile, let's do this!"

"Great! So why doesn't she think you should be together?" She asked, just as enthusiastic as him.

"The age difference," Ed said as a waitress replaced his now empty mug with a full one. "She won't let me forget she's older. It's so annoying."

"How much older is she?" Jill asked. Her voice was slurring a bit.

"Fourteen years," Ed said, and Jill whistled. "I know, I know," he continued. "But I've been an adult since I was twelve, right? Probably before that considering," he said emphatically.

"Considering?" she asked, confused.

"Considering  _stuff_ ," Ed said, shaking his head. He took another drink. "But that's a stupid reason when you think about it. Our ages have never affected our friendship, and I'm smart enough for like five eighteen year olds, which makes me the older one, which anyone would see if they looked at how immature she is, she's just a giant fucking kid, and—and when she's one hundred, I'll be like eighty-six, or one hundred and fifty eight because being five eighteen year olds makes me ninety… Where was I going with this?"

Jill giggled. "I think—I think it was that age is just a number."

"It is! And I'm good with numbers. I got this!"

"Okay, so why else are you—should you… why else should you be not together?" Jill asked.

"Becauuuusssseee," Ed drug out the word, thinking. "Because we used to work together? But that's a stupid reason too because we don't work together now, bastard. So, it's because of the friendship variable." Ed nodded to himself. "Yeah, I forgot to factor in the friendship variable."

"Do you want to risk your friendship? I don't. And that's why I chose A," she said while putting another empty mug down.

"No, I like our friendship," Ed said. He folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on them. He and Roy had a great friendship, and it had taken so long to build. Could he really throw that away because one kiss felt great? But then again Roy was hot. He was fantastically, fucking hot. And smart, he was so freaking clever, the stupid, annoying bastard. And what if a little risk let Ed feel those sparks again? Roy's hand? His lips? Ed licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. When had Ed ever shied away from a risk?

"What if?" Ed began. "What if it wasn't a risk? We are  _awesome_  together. We are like kick-ass, bad-ass, fucking awesome friends. Why wouldn't we be even more awesomer as more than friends?" Jill nodded. "I choose B!" Ed declared while straightening in his seat. "I'm going to tell the bastard that B is for best."

"No, no, no, no," Jill slurred. "You have to use her name. No bastard."

"What? No! What?"

"She'll never date you if you call her that."

"But I always call her that," Ed whined. "It's a thing. A thing that I do. A thing thing that needs to be done. She's such a bastard."

Jill reached over and slapped his elbow, even though it took her a couple of tries to make more contact then just grazing him. "No. Her name."

Ed groaned again. That wasn't fair. But he'd already messed up so much maybe he should use her name.  _His_ name. Damn, he really had to be nice now because he probably had to make up for that slip too. Roy was going to kill him.

"Fine, fine, I'll use the stupid name," Ed grumbled, "And I'll tell her that I can't get her out of my head, and it's a constant distraction. It's awful, I hate it, and—"

"No, no," Jill interrupted, gesturing with her hand and almost knocking down one of the many cups around them. "Tell her, tell her… Her beauty drives you to the point of distraction, and that your thoughts are overrun by her because nothing could ever measure up to perfection, and therefore, nothing could outweigh her in your mind, and that you long for her every second that you're apart, and—"

"Fuck, how many times have you imagined him saying this in your head?" Ed stared at her incredulously.

Jill blushed and looked away. She mumbled something, and then glared at Ed. "That doesn't matter! You're trying to chicken out! You're—"

"Am not! I'll confess the hell out of the bastard any day!"

"Use her name!" Jill yelled.

"Damnit!"

* * *

Roy came home to find his house one Elric short. And of course, it was the short one that was missing. Roy smirked to himself as he sat down next to Al, who was reading a book on the couch in the living room.

"Where's Edward?" Roy asked.

The mischievous smile that grew on Al's face could have rivaled his brother's easily. "It was amazing, sir. I found this girl at the bookstore that would be perfect for brother. She's cute, smart, funny, loves books, she only knows a little alchemy but I figured that was okay," Al said quickly, the words tumbling over themselves.

"Whoa, slow down, Al," Roy said with a chuckle. "What's this?"

"I set brother up on a date. Jill is perfect for him. I didn't get to talk to her for too long, but I saw hints of an attitude as big as brothers, and she's a real bibliophile, and she's really pretty. Isn't this great?"

"You set your brother up?"

"Yeah," Al said while nodding. "Is something wrong, sir? You look pale."

Roy forced out another laugh. "I'm just imagining your brother's attitude doubled." He pretended to shiver, and Al laughed.

Ed was out on a date? With a girl? Maybe he had felt nothing from the kiss.

Roy stood before he fully realized that he needed to leave the room. Alphonse looked up at him curiously, so he smiled and said, "I have some work to do, but I hope your plan works out well. You'll have to tell me how it went once your brother gets home."

"Okay!" Al said with a smile. "I'm sure it'll go better than brother expected anyway. He didn't want to go at all."

"No?"

"No, but then he said there wasn't a reason not to and agreed."

Roy nodded, unable to get words through his clenched jaw. He gave a little wave, and then rushed upstairs to his study, closing the door behind him.

There wasn't a reason? There wasn't a reason? Did Roy mean  _nothing_? Just a tool to use, and test, and measure with?

He snapped his fingers and flames soared to the fireplace. They blazed up far higher than necessary, but Roy didn't care. He snapped again, and the flames roared once more before calming. He paced the length of the room, the heat of the fire hitting each of his sides in turn.

Who needs the brat anyway? He could go have attitude children with the pretty bookworm for all Roy cared. He was fine before he thought of Ed as anything more than a friend; he'd be fine without ever thinking of him that way again. He'd be fine—

_Alone._

Alone all over again, the way he had been for years.

Roy growled. He didn't need Ed, or anyone. He didn't need some bratty teenager.

Even if the brat did have soft blond hair, and chiseled abs. Even if he was the most interesting, and intelligent, person Roy had ever met. Even if he had a moral compass and steadfast determination that Roy could only wish for a fraction of.

Roy sat down with a groan, and put his elbow on his knees and head in his hands. Even when Ed was messing up he did it well. The way Ed had talked about his sexuality and his proposed kiss in the terms of a science experiment? It was so  _Ed_. When in doubt, go to science. Science was comfortable, familiar, safe; it distanced him from the situation, and helped him regain some control. Roy had seen that. He had known what Ed was doing. But it was so… cute. Ed would punch him for using that term, Roy was sure, but Ed had been endearing even as he had alienated, teased, and hurt Roy.

Then he had chosen to date a girl. Maybe he wasn't gay. Maybe Roy was wrong. Maybe Ed wanted to live years, or the rest of his life, in denial. Fine. Roy had gone through denial. He couldn't blame Ed if this was the result of their 'experiment.'

Except that he did. He blamed Ed because this  _hurt_.

* * *

A while later the slam of the front door dragged Roy from his thoughts. He heard shuffling, and banging around.  _What the hell is Ed doing?_  There was no doubt that the noise was Ed coming home, but he wasn't usually this loud.

The noise came closer to the stairs, and the bangs increased as he went up.  _Did he fall_? Roy walked over and leaned back against his desk, facing the door with a raised eyebrow. There was no reason Ed would go upstairs except to see Roy; the only rooms on the second floor were his room and the study.

The footsteps stopped outside the door, just as he thought they would. He was surprised though; he expected Ed to spend a few more days avoiding him. The doorknob rattled, and he'd swear that bang was Ed walking into the door. After another minute that failed to produce an open door, but succeeded in making Edward curse, Roy walked over and turned the handle himself. The door flew open and Ed tumbled through into Roy's arms. He smelled like a bar.

Roy held him at arms length, and Ed's hand lingered on Roy's stomach, feather light in a way that almost tickled. Ed's stared at where his hand was touching as if transfixed, even if his eyes were a little unfocused. He licked his lips before looking up at Roy and dropping his hand.

"Are you  _drunk_?" Roy asked.

"No," Ed snapped as he tried to step out of Roy's reach. He stumbled, and Roy caught him again. "Maybe a little," Ed mumbled. Roy sighed and sat them both down on the couch. Ed grabbed Roy's arms and did what seemed like his best to focus on Roy's face. "I have something to tell you," Ed said very seriously.

"I'm sure it can wait until morning, Edward. I'll have Alphonse bring you up some coffee." Roy didn't need to deal with an inebriated teen trying to let him down easy; he was going to bed. Edward could explain himself to his brother.

But when Roy moved to stand, Ed wouldn't let go. He pulled Roy back down and said, "No, no, it's important."

Roy sighed and sat more comfortably. He gave Ed an expectant look. "Well?"

Ed's face contorted into a less focused version of the expression he used when picking apart an array, like he was trying to remember something. "You're Roy," he said. It sounded like it took a lot of concentration, but Roy didn't think the revelation was worth it.

"Believe it or not, I am in fact aware of my own name."

"No," Ed looked annoyed now. "You're Roy," he said and touched Roy's chest again. "And you're beautiful." Roy froze.  _What the hell?_  "Ughh," Ed groaned, frustrated. "No. What I mean is, you're hot in my head. No—argh—your hot and you're in my head. You won't get out. It's just," Ed moved his hand from Roy's chest to tap his own temple. "I can't think about anything but you, bastard. Except no, you're Roy, not bastard. Roy, Roy, Roy." Ed had Roy's complete and undivided attention now. Even if all he wanted to say was Roy's name for the rest of the night, he would stay and listen. Ed moved his hands onto Roy's arms. "Roy, Roy. You're distraction and, and… I don't care that you're old, and we don't even work together anymore, and I'm ninety, so I'm like older than you, you know?" Roy really didn't know. Ed continued, "And we should take the risk because the friendship varied—variably—variable will just multi—multiply with the awesome factor, because we're always so awesome, right? You know? And then it'll be even more awesome. Except not because it's not like an experiment. It's us." Ed moved one hand back and forth between the two of them, and then rested a hand on each of their chests. "It's just us, you know? I think we could work. You think?"

"I think you need to rest for a bit."

Ed shook his head wildly before grabbing onto Roy's chest to balance himself. Once he realized where his hands were he tugged Roy down, and kissed him. On the cheek because he completely missed Roy's mouth. Roy shoved him away, but he held on to Roy's shirt to stay close. Ed placed his hands on Roy's cheeks, and stared intently at Roy's mouth.

"Edward, stop. You're under the influence. We can talk in the morning when you're in your right mind."

Ed's eyes found his. "I've never felt so right about anything in my whole life," Ed said with surprising clarity. "You're perfect, and I'm happy you're not a girl." He leaned forward and managed to find Roy's lips with his own this time. The kiss was sloppy, and reeked of beer, but still immediately set Roy's body on fire. He cupped Ed's cheek with one hand and wrapped his other arm around Ed's back. Ed moaned, and leaned forward, into Roy, but lost his balance and fell. As their lips broke apart, Ed's weight pushed Roy back so that he was lying down on the couch cushions. Ed lay on top of him, with no space left in between. Ed moaned as he slid his body further up Roy and kissed his neck. Roy gasped as Ed trailed his tongue under the collar of his shirt and bit down.

Ed kissed his way up Roy's neck, nibbled at his jaw, and then slid his way back to Roy's lips. Roy tangled his hand in the hair at the base of Ed's ponytail as he pulled their mouths closer together. It was his turn to moan as Ed slid his leg between Roy's on accident. He wrapped his arm around Ed's back again to pull him closer. So close, so warm. The end of Ed's ponytail fell to tickle Roy's ear in the most delicious way. Ed's hand bunched his shirt up on one side. The heat from Ed's body filled his entire perception. There was nothing outside of them.

He heard a choking noise, and thought it might be Ed. He was drunk. Roy should have remembered that. He should have stopped them sooner. Was Ed going to be sick? But as Roy tried to push Edward off, he realized that Ed hadn't slowed in the slightest. He hadn't even noticed the noise, much less made it.

Roy shoved Ed back so that he was sitting, and leaned up on his elbows to look around. Alphonse was frozen in the doorway.

Al blushed and said, "So, I take it the date didn't go well?" which just made him blush more. "Right, ummm I'll leave you to… yeah, right." He ran from the room.

Ed was up and calling his brother's name as quickly as he could untangle his legs from Roy's. He didn't make it one step before falling flat on his face. Roy sat up, but Ed didn't move. Then a snore tore through the room.

Roy ran a hand down his face. Why did he ever think inviting the Elric brothers to live with him was a  _good_ idea?

As he knelt down by Ed, he couldn't help but think that for all the Ed sized trouble he had had today, it had had some unexpectedly good parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking about changing the rating (of both fics probably). I’ve never written anything even resembling smut before, so I’m not sure. I think I’m doing okay with the T rated scenes, and would be willing to go further… What do you guys think? Opinions?
> 
> I also have both fics up at LJ and ff.net under the same author name and fic title if anyone would prefer to read them there. They’re exactly the same in all 3 places though.


	4. In Which it's Ed and Roy's First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would update Redo first, but I can't this "can I write smut?" thing out of my head. I've already started the next chapter of Redo, but until then here is my attempt at smut.
> 
> BTW that means WARNING there is explicit sexual conduct between two males ahead. Read this chapter at your own risk.
> 
> To get to the sexy times I had to skip ahead a bit, but I'll fill in the gap in later chapters. Basically, this is where it starts getting non-linear.
> 
> This chapter takes place the first night Ed gets back from Xing for good. So, it's about 2 years after the other chapters.

Ed walked up the path to Roy's house.  _Our house,_ Ed thought to himself,  _I have to remember that it's our house._  The last time Ed had visited Roy, Roy had asked Ed to move in with him. He hadn't known where he was going to live once he was done traveling, but he had been thinking about staying in Central to be near Roy. So when Roy had pulled out a spare key, Ed had said yes.

This was his first time coming back since then. This was his first time coming back to stay. No more month long adventures traveling, no more getting confused by Xingese customs, and no more being farther than a relatively short train ride away from his brother. Ed was surprised by how happy he was to be settling down. He thought it would feel constricting, but he felt so relaxed, relieved even, that he had nothing to do, and nowhere to go, the next day. He could lie in bed with Roy all day if they wanted to.

The bed: the only source of Ed's unease. Sure, he and Roy had made out, and gone a little further, but in the two years they had been officially together they hadn't had sex. They'd rarely seen each other in person, instead talking on the phone or through letters. But now Ed was back to stay, he had the whole night with Roy in  _their_  bed, and he was unbelievably frustrated after what was basically two years of foreplay. After being limited to pictures of the bastard, and only hearing that sexy voice through a phone, how was Ed expected to do anything besides jump the real thing when it was in front of him?

But Ed had never done anything like this before, and he was nervous. Even with the girls he had dated before Roy, he never let it get this far. He had tried to prepare though, and studied up on the subject as much as he could. In Xing they were far more lenient of same sex relationships than in Amestris, so Ed had made some friends and asked around. He now knew the mechanics of the act and had bought the supplies they'd need.

Right now he was unbelievably aware of the lube he'd stashed in his pants pocket. Without the leather pants, it was easier to hide something like that. He wore only his favorite dark blue long-sleeved shirt, so unfortunately there was no jacket to hide behind as well. The blue of his shirt reminded him of Roy's uniform, which, of course, he would never admit.

"Is something wrong?" Roy asked while opening the door. Ed walked in and put his suitcase down as Roy turned the lock. "You seem quiet," Roy continued.

Ed studied Roy, who was standing as confident as always. He looked relaxed and comfortable, unguarded, like he always did at home. More than anything, he looked sexy as hell in his black slacks and white button down civilian wear. He was all Ed's, and Ed would get to see all of him tonight. He couldn't wait…but how were they supposed to start?

Roy was close to the door. Should Ed just push him back against it? Pin him there, kiss him hard enough for Roy to taste the need, and want, and desire that had been building up the entire train ride?

Roy stepped away from the door and said, "Ed?"

Ed gave a choked laugh as he averted his eyes and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, sorry. It was just a long train ride. I guess I'm still kind of out of it."

Roy's warm hands landed on his shoulders, causing him to jump before melting into the feel of skilled fingers massaging his shoulders. "Why don't you go relax in the living room while I make us some tea?" Roy's soft voice said in his ear. Ed nodded, and walked over and sat on the couch.

He could hear Roy in the kitchen. As stealthy and secretive as Roy thought he was, Ed knew about his secret tea stash. Behind the food stored in Roy's tallest cabinet, were two boxes of tea with the girliest packaging that Ed had ever seen. He would have mocked Roy endlessly—no doubt Roy's reason for hiding it—if he wasn't afraid that taunting him would result in Roy not making the tea anymore. Or worse, he might hide it somewhere better, and then what would Ed do? He wasn't going to go out and buy himself a pack. Why did something so delicious have to come in pink, flowery packaging?

It was his first night home, he should be thinking about something besides tea.

Maybe he could go into the kitchen, and wrap his arms around Roy as he made their tea. That was a thing people did, right? He remembered seeing Hughes do it to Gracia once. Maybe that's how they could start. Then again, even ignoring the effort it would take for Ed to rest his chin on Roy's ridiculously tall shoulder, it would ruin the illusion that Ed didn't know about the tea, and he would potentially be tea-less.

"Here you go," Roy said as he placed a cup in front of Ed and sat down.

 _Maybe I'll just spend too much time thinking and lose my chance anyway_ , Ed thought.

Ed sighed as he wrapped his two flesh hands around the cup. He would never get tired of feeling heat spreading through his fingers. He took a sip, and moaned. Oh, how he'd missed Roy's girly tea. He'd missed everything that he had in this moment, the taste of the tea, the smell of Roy in the house, the hyperawareness that only sitting this close to Roy could give him.

He looked over just in time to catch Roy glancing away with a slight blush. Was he already warm from the tea? Ed watched him as they both drank. He'd missed Roy, his hair, his eyes, everything down to the fingers curled around the mug.

"So was the train ride bad?" Roy asked as he turned back towards Ed.

"Not really. I slept some, talked to strangers, the usual. I beat some guy in cards, so he had to give me the dessert from his lunch."

"I'm going to assume that you cheated."

"What? You bastard, I would never—"

"Al's told me about you. In fact, I don't think I've seen, or heard of, you playing a card game without cheating."

"Al's a traitor," Ed said with a pout. He crossed his arms, and turned away from Roy. He only moved from where he'd sunk into the couch cushions when he realized he needed his arms free to sip his tea.

He glanced over again as he heard Roy laugh. Roy had the most amazing smile, and the most amazing laugh, but only when neither was being used to be a bastard. Laughs and smirks at short jokes were never attractive.

Maybe Ed should start now. He'd just put down his tea, take the cup from Roy's hands and put it on the table, and then slide over and straddle Roy's lap. It'd be sexy, Ed was sure. They'd kiss, maybe Roy could do the neck thing that drove Ed crazy, and maybe one, or both, of them could lose his shirt—if it was just one then it had to be Roy because he looked so damn unbelievably hot without a shirt. Then they would go to the bedroom… or just make do with the couch… No, Ed decided, they would go to the bedroom, but first he had to put down his tea.

 _Right,_  Ed told himself,  _put down the tea and straddle Roy. Easy._

He glanced at his tea and then to Roy, specifically his lap. Ed took a deep breath, downed the rest of his drink in one gulp, and put the cup on the table. He turned to grab Roy's cup but Roy was in the middle of taking a sip.

When he lowered the cup, he looked to Ed and smiled at Ed's cup. "I'm done too. Here," he said as he grabbed the empty cup off of the table and brought both of them to the kitchen.

 _Now what?_  Ed thought as he sunk back onto the couch and closed his eyes.

"Your tired," he heard Roy's voice a moment later. Ed opened his eyes to see Roy standing in front of him. "Let's go to bed." No matter how loud the voice in Ed's head was screaming that he was not tired, he still nodded, grabbed his suitcase, and followed Roy up the stairs.

Maybe this was how you started it. Trust Roy to be straightforward and just tell Ed that they were going to bed. At least it was progress, and it gave Ed the perfect view of Roy's behind as they walked. From a couple of steps behind Roy, Ed was almost eye level with it. He tilted his head to the side as he watched Roy walk. He hadn't gotten to touch Roy's butt in months; he had to consciously tell his hand to wait. There would be plenty of time for that once they reached the bedroom.

Once they got there though, Roy went into the master bathroom to change. What was the point in changing when they were just going to get naked anyway? Ed set his suitcase on the floor, sat next to it at the foot of the bed, and took off his boots and socks. Ed had heard of women changing clothes before sex; did Roy have clothes specifically for sex too? An image of Roy in women's lingerie popped into Ed's mind, and he quickly shook his head to dispel it. That would be disturbing. He tried again, and this time imagined Roy in nothing but low hanging, black, silk pants. Okay, that was hot. Ed didn't have sexy clothes though. Why hadn't he thought of that? Would it matter?

Roy came back into the room, and his eyes widened slightly as he looked at Ed. "Oh, you didn't change," Roy said.  _He isn't wearing anything particularly sexy_ , Ed thought. Well, his clothes were sexy in the weird way that everything looked sexy when Roy wore it, but they didn't strike Ed as clothes that were bought specifically to wear before sex. They were Roy's blue pajamas; long sleeved, button down shirt, long pants, and Ed had seen them dozens of times. They weren't special sex clothes, they couldn't be or else Roy would have some explaining to do about why he had worn them when Ed and Al had been staying with him before Ed had started dating Roy.

"Are you okay?" Roy asked as he moved to stand by Ed. He was concerned. Concerned because Ed hadn't changed, because Ed was being quiet, because Roy had fully intended for them to just come home, have tea, and go straight to sleep.

Ed reached up and looped his index finger around the top button of Roy's shirt. He pulled down, and once Roy was in range, pressed his lips  _hard_ against Roy's. He wasn't going to let there be any misunderstandings this time. He swiped his tongue across Roy's bottom lip and into his mouth, causing Roy to moan.

Roy's hands cupped Ed's face as he leaned forward, into the kiss. Ed relaxed back, bringing Roy with him. One of the hands on his face moved to support Roy's weight on the bed, and the other slid back to spread along the length of Ed's neck. Ed, leaning on his elbows, moved his hands to the bottom of Roy's shirt and started unbuttoning. He got three buttons undone before he gave into temptation and ran his right hand along Roy's abs. The warmth spread through his skin as his fingers traced strong muscles. The warmth of Roy's body under his hand, the tongue that had just slipped into his mouth, Ed couldn't help but moan. This was so much better than tea. This was perfect.

Ed moved his hand down and slid his finger along the top of Roy's pants. Roy stood up straight before Ed even realized what was happening. The space in front of him was just suddenly devoid of Roy. The warmth, the smell, the taste were gone before he could open his eyes.

Ed sat up as Roy sighed. Roy was flushed, his shirt was half unbuttoned, and there was a bulge in his pants that made it known he wanted to continue just as much as Ed did. Then why were they stopping? Ed licked his lips as he looked up into Roy's eyes. Roy looked so good that Ed had to stop himself from just yanking his lips back down. He wanted the taste back, he wanted to lick and bite and feel Roy, he didn't want to stop.

"Ed," Roy said. He was looking down at Ed with soft eyes that barely hid his own frustration. "We don't have to do this." Of course they didn't, but why wouldn't they. Why would Roy even say that? It was stupid and a waste of time. Roy held both of Ed's hands as he continued, "We don't have to push further just because you're home." Ed shimmied his hands free and trailed them up Roy's arms and began to undo the remaining buttons. "We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with," Roy cut off with a gasp as Ed finished the last button and pulled his shirt open. "We can just go to bed. I'm fine with that."

Ed looked up at Roy through his eyelashes, "But I want to do this." He leaned forward and kissed the imaginary line between Roy's abs. He stuck out the tip of his tongue and licked. "Don't you want to, Roy?" Roy gasped again as air hit the cool trail Ed had left. "Can't we keep doing this, Roy?" Ed asked in a low tone before licking around Roy's belly button. "Please?" he whispered before sticking his tongue in Roy's navel.

The groan Roy made was the only warning Ed got before Roy grabbed him under the arms and moved him into the middle of the bed. Smiling, Ed looked up to see Roy kneeling on the bed and tearing off his shirt. Once finished, he crawled forward over Ed. Ed smirked as a shiver ran through him; he'd never enjoyed feeling like prey before.

Roy kissed Ed's neck as Ed lay down flat on the bed and brought his hands back to Roy's sides. "You're evil," Roy said before gliding his tongue up the side of Ed's neck.

"That was fun," Ed said breathlessly.

"Pure evil," Roy mumbled against his skin before nibbling along Ed's jaw and sucking above his collarbone. Ed moaned; the neck thing, he  _loved_ the neck thing. One of Roy's hands slid under Ed's shirt and started pushing in up. They both leaned up so that Roy could pull the shirt over Ed's head. He threw it, and there was a crash.

Roy stopped his movements to go back to Ed's neck to look over his shoulder. Ed looked too before remembering. "It was just my suitcase," Ed said, "Leave it." Roy hesitated before nodding, and then kissed Ed on the lips. Roy tasted like mint, and another thought came to Ed's mind. He pulled away to say, "I didn't brush my teeth." Roy's lips moved to his cheek, then his jaw. "Should I—" Ed cut off with a quick intake of breath as Roy's hand found his belt buckle.

Roy pulled back to look Ed in the eyes. "You're sure?"

"For fuck's sake…" Ed rolled his eyes and pulled Roy's hips down while grinding his own up. They both groaned, and Roy lay his head on the bed beside Edward's. "Fucking  _yes_ , bastard," Ed whispered before nibbling Roy's ear.

Ed felt Roy take a deep breath, and couldn't help himself; he moved his hips up again. Roy lifted up with a huff that sounded like, "Evil," and moved back to working on Ed's belt. Ed breathed out a laugh.

Belt undone, button, zipper, Roy looped his fingers in both Ed's pants and boxers, and shimmied them down Ed's legs before tossing them on the floor. Then he just stared. Ed squirmed in his spot before sitting up and grabbing the back of Roy's head. He scrunched his fingers through Roy's soft hair as he kissed him. Ed turned them so that Roy was lying down with Ed over him. He kissed his way down Roy's gorgeous chest, swirling his tongue on a few of the scars he found. He paused as he reached the waistband of Roy's bottoms. He inched the fabric down with his fingers while smirking up at Roy. "You sure?" Ed asked mockingly.

"Fuck yes, Blondie," Roy hissed back while raising his hips. Ed pulled and was left with a gloriously naked Roy, who wiggled his eyebrows at the goggling Ed.

Ed moved back over Roy, before suddenly pulling back. "Oh, wait," he said before turning around, laying flat on his stomach, and reaching for his pants on the floor with one arm.

Ed felt Roy's hand grip and slide along his butt cheek, followed by his lips, which then traveled through the dip in his lower back and up his spine. His hair was set free from the band holding it in a ponytail, and fell down his back and shoulders. Roy moved it aside and continued kissing along Ed's neck. When he reached an ear, his husky voice whispered, "What are you doing?" before teeth nibbled on Ed's earlobe.

Roy was lying on top of him, and Ed could feel the overwhelming heat pressed against his body. He made an involuntary whimper as Roy sucked on his ear and ground himself against Ed's ass. It was distracting, too distracting, but Ed needed to get to his pants. He just barely looped his finger around his belt. He pulled the pants towards him until he could reach the pocket. Ah ha! He got it!

Ed had to bite down on the comforter to muffle his cry, as Roy chose his moment of triumph to bite and suck on his shoulder.

Roy moved easily with him as Ed sat up. Ed smirked and held up the tube, "Got it."

Roy took it from his hand and studied it. "What is it? I can't read Xingese."

Ed blushed. He'd forgotten that he might have to explain this part. "Umm, it's a lubricant," he said while looking away. "It—Well, I asked around in Xing, and they explained some of the mechanics, the logistics really of what we were going to do, and what we might need." Ed finally glanced at Roy.

"You asked around in Xing?"

"Yeah, but I didn't use your name or anything. I just met some guys who were a couple, and they didn't seem to mind me asking questions so I just kept asking. A lot of it made sense when thinking of it anatomically. I mean, I hadn't really thought of it while picturing my anatomy books before that, but I mean—you studied some anatomy, right?" Roy nodded. "Well, it makes sense that a lubricant would be needed, and umm," Ed looked away again, face flaming, "Preparation. How else would it fit really? And the thing about the prostate. Obviously you could touch it if your finger was  _there_ , but I just hadn't really thought. And—"

"Has this been opened?"

Ed refused to look at Roy. He really did not want to see the look on the bastard's face when he said this. "I uh—I may have practiced a bit."

"You practiced…"

"So?! I was all alone, and only had that stupid picture of you, and I was already curious when you just  _had to_  tell me that you were undressing while we were on the phone, and then you fucking hung up on me after saying you were getting in the fucking  _shower_ , and what was I supposed to—!" Ed cut off as Roy pushed him back on the bed with a hard kiss.

Roy's hands were everywhere as his mouth was merciless on Ed's, and he pushed him farther into the mattress with his body. Ed moaned. He tried desperately to suck in air when he could. The effort became futile when Roy's hand moved between Ed's legs and all air left Ed's lungs.

Roy's mouth kissed it's way to Ed's ear, where a breathy, husky voice said, "You are  _unbelievable_." Ed couldn't answer beyond incoherent sounds.

Ed felt a slick finger tease at his entrance and tried to relax as he pulled Roy back to his lips. He curled his fingers in Roy's hair as a finger and tongue both entered him.

 _Relax, relax,_  Ed told himself between shallow breaths and rough kisses.

Roy pulled back and watched Ed's face. Ed gasped and whimpered as a second finger entered him and Roy's hands moved in tandem. He felt the burning energy that had building inside him get stronger, more intense. It was wonderful. It was too much.

"I'm—I'm gonna—" Ed grabbed the hand that was wrapped around him, tugged it. He whimpered as Roy pulled both of his hands away. "No," Ed breathed, "Three fingers."

"Three?" Roy asked as he continued to stare at Ed's face like he was the most magnificent thing he had ever seen.

Ed nodded. "They said three." The fingers were back, and stretching almost uncomfortably now. Ed relaxed and tried to get used to the burn. His hand scrambled at Roy's free arm as he tried to control his breathing.

A moment later the fingers were gone again, and something bigger was at his entrance. Ed pulled Roy into a kiss as he began to push.

It hurt. It burned so much more than the fingers, and when Ed winced Roy stopped. Ed shook his head. "Do it," Ed said. When Roy hesitated, he said it again, "Do it." Roy grabbed Ed's shaft and pumped slowly as he pushed in. The distraction helped, but it hurt. It was going too slow, that was the problem. Ed wrapped his legs around Roy, and used his lower body strength to force Roy all the way in.

 _Mistake,_ Ed thought as pain erupted in his lower back. He lay perfectly still with his mouth open in a silent scream.

Roy pressed his forehead to Ed's and asked, "Ed?" but Ed was doing everything he could to control his breathing and try to  _relax_  again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Roy chanted.

Ed shook his head no.  _This isn't your fault_ , he thought, _I'm an idiot._ But he couldn't get the words out, so he did the next best thing. He reached up and cupped Roy's cheek, running his thumb under dark, distressed eyes, and he kissed him. Slow this time, softly so that Roy would know just how much he cared, just how much he loved him, and how much there was no need to apologize because this was still perfect. This was them, and they could never be anything less.

Roy kissed back and Ed could feel how still he was trying to be. He ran his hand down Roy's back soothingly. He was a little more adjusted now. He still felt hesitant but pulled back, put on a brave smile, and nodded for Roy to continue. He got a doubtful look for his efforts.

"'M fine," he whispered.

Roy leaned down and kissed him again. He started moving his hand up and down Ed's shaft again, slow and tortuous. He flicked his thumb over the head, before swirling his thumb and squeezing his whole hand slightly. He continued his ministrations, the rhythm increasing as he went, until Ed was breathing heavily out of pleasure rather than pain.

Roy kept his hand moving as he began to kiss Ed's neck, the rhythm of his hand slowing again and making Ed groan. Then he carefully began moving himself to the same rhythm of his hand.

Ed was still sore, but Roy was going so slow and his hand felt so nice. A few more strokes, and Roy moved in a way that sent tendrils of pleasure through Ed's nerves. Ed gasped.

"There. There, again." Roy obliged, and Ed keened.

The rhythm increased, and kissing forgotten, they lay with their heads next to one another, breathing hard and moaning. Ed felt so good, so full. The feel of Roy around him, within him, cocooning him with his body, breathing moist, hot air in his ear was better than he could have imagined. The pressure was building again. He was on edge, every nerve in his body ready to sing. It was too much. It was not enough.

He came, blinded by his climax, and barely aware of Roy following him over the brink.

Roy pulled out of him, and rolled onto his side next to Ed, one arm still draped around him. Ed groaned as he rolled over and into Roy's chest. He lay wrapped in Roy's embrace, using one of Roy's arms as a pillow and the other as a blanket, his face pressed to Roy's chest. He was just still and caught his breath for a moment before kissing under Roy's collarbone.

Roy folded his arms tighter around Ed and kissed the top of his head. "You are unbelievable," he repeated.

"Mm hmm." Ed nodded.

Roy laughed. It was quiet for a few more moments, and Ed began drifting off. "I love you," Roy whispered.

"Love you," Ed mumbled before succumbing to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did I do? It wasn't as hard as hard as I thought it'd be, but I'm glad that I got it out of the way so that I know I can do it.
> 
> I'm actually kind of tempted to write this from Roy's POV. There are other sex scenes I could write if it were only about that, but being in Ed's head this chapter left a lot of Roy's thoughts unexplored. He had his own worries and expectations for the night that I was aware of but Ed was clueless about.
> 
> This isn't the first time they've said I love you to each other, but being apart for so long, they haven't been able to say it very often.


	5. In Which it's Roy's POV of Their First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roy's POV of last chapter (their first time). I hope it's not too repetitive. I think Roy's thoughts changed it a lot, and I added another scene at the end.

It was weird. Usually when Roy picked Ed up from the train station, Ed wouldn't shut up. It would be a non-stop car ride of fast paced, curse laden commentary about Xing, trains, Roy's haircut, Ed's need for new boots, and whatever other thoughts flitted through the blonde's head.

But not this time. Ed had been eerily quiet most of the ride back. Maybe he wasn't quiet enough to throw up warning flags for a normal person, but this was Ed, who  _always_  had something to say. Now he was sticking with short responses and long stares? It just felt weird to Roy. Maybe Ed was having second thoughts about living with him. But he always seemed so comfortable in the house, and he'd agreed to it being  _their house_.

Maybe Roy should remind him that no one would think it was weird for two friends to live together, especially when one of them had just moved to town. And if they suspected anything, then it wasn't as big of an issue as it would have been when they first got together. Things had changed in the two years that they'd been dating; the military, society even, followed more of a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy than the righteous shunning one they had before. And if Roy's efforts continued as effectively as they had been, then things would only get better. It was good to be towards the top of the chain.

"Is something wrong?" Roy asked while opening the door to their house and letting Ed in. "You seem quiet."

Ed was staring again, and Roy took the opportunity to stare back. Ed had filled out more while away, and his blue shirt clung snuggly to his well-toned body. His hair was in his, now customary, high ponytail, and fell in a cascade of gold over his shoulder. Roy's eyes traveled down Ed's arm to his hand that was fidgeting with his pant's pocket, and it was only too easy for his gaze to then move just a small distance over to the front of Ed's pants.

Roy glanced away and took a step forward. "Ed?" he said because surely it had been too long a pause, and it wasn't just him feeling this tension. Roy moved behind him as Ed scratched the back of his head with a laugh.

"Yeah, sorry. It was just a long train ride. I guess I'm still kind of out of it."

Of course that was it. The long hours of travelling would be hard on anyone. Roy could see the tension in Ed's muscles; they must have been sore from the hard train seats. He smoothed his hands over Ed's shoulders, and began to massage him. He smiled as Ed relaxed. He'd wanted Ed to have a stress free first night back, so anything he could do to help, he would.

"Why don't you go relax in the living room while I make us some tea?"

Roy watched Ed walk to the couch as he moved to the kitchen. Ed always liked his tea, so it would be the best thing to help him relax now.

Roy put the water on the stove, and moved over to the tallest cabinet. He stretched his arm up and pushed his hand between decoy bags and cans of food to the tea hidden in the back.  _If only Ed knew what tea he was drinking_ , Roy smirked to himself at the thought. He could just imagine the appalled look on Ed's face if he saw the flower covered container his tea came in. He'd probably never drink it again. He'd never let Roy live it down—even if Roy explained it was a gag gift from Riza that just happened to be delicious. Then Roy would either have to endure the taunts every time he drank tea, or he'd have to resort to only drinking this particular tea in secret. He crinkled his face in distaste at the thought as he filled the cups with water. It was probably just for the best if Ed never saw the tea.

Roy finished making the tea and brought both cups into the living room. He paused for a moment to just look at the blond sitting on the couch. Ed really looked incredible in their house. Still a little tense, but so much more calm than he'd been as a teenager. Roy loved seeing him at peace and in the house where they could spend the rest of their lives together. He was astounded each time Ed called, or wrote, or came home. After so many years of accepting that he would be alone forever, he now had Ed, who was intelligent, and funny, and handsome, and so much more than Roy could have hoped for.

"Here you go," Roy said as he placed a cup in front of Ed and sat down. It was the least Roy could do to make Ed feel comfortable and not pressured. Ed was an adult, and he'd seen more than many adults that Roy knew, but he was still so young. Roy knew how experienced he was in some areas, and how completely inexperienced he was in others. Even though Roy had never been with a man, had never even kissed one before Edward, he had been with women. Ed had skipped that part of the denial phase, and Roy wasn't going to pressure him to do anything he wasn't ready for.

Roy's head whipped around as he heard Ed moan into his tea. Did he like the tea that much that he had to make that noise while drinking it? Ed's eyes were closed and he looked so blissful that Roy couldn't help but imagine him moaning like that in his bed. Ed's eyes opened and Roy hurried to look away. If only he had long hair like Ed's that could hide the heat in his face. The thought only made him imagine Ed's long hair free and falling over Ed's bare chest as he rode Roy.

Time for a change in subject. "So was the train ride bad?" Roy asked, and he could have slapped himself.  _Don't talk about riding, you're trying to get you're thoughts clean, Mustang._

"Not really. I slept some, talked to strangers, the usual. I beat some guy in cards, so he had to give me the dessert from his lunch."

"I'm going to assume that you cheated."

"What? You bastard, I would never—"

"Al's told me about you. In fact, I don't think I've seen, or heard of, you playing a card game without cheating."

"Al's a traitor," Ed said with a pout, and crossed his arms. He looked so cute as he gave up his ridiculous pose in favor of more tea. Roy laughed. They could put off sex as long as Ed needed. Roy didn't mind, not for someone as amazing as Ed.

Ed was staring again. Roy could feel it as he sipped his tea. Ed's stare made him self-aware to an almost uncomfortable level, but Roy loved it. Ed stared like he couldn't get enough of seeing Roy, like he found Roy just as fascinating as Roy found him.

Ed put his cup down, and it was the perfect excuse to leave the room. Roy smiled as he offered to take Ed's cup to the kitchen. Once there he gulped the last of his own tea. He didn't like that he'd lied about being done himself, but Ed just looked so good, and was finally within reach, and stared that way that drove Roy mad. Roy took a few deep, calming breaths as he rinsed out their cups. Ed wasn't ready yet, he reminded himself. They could talk things over tomorrow, but Roy wasn't going to push for so much as a kiss the first night back. He didn't want it to lead to more, and risk losing everything he had with Ed.

He walked back into the living room to see Ed resting his eyes. He had said the train ride was long, so of course he was tired. Here Roy was, thinking about fooling around, and Ed was probably dead on his feet.

He walked over to stand in front of Ed. "You're tired," he said, "let's go to bed." Roy continued to berate himself as they walked up the stairs. He should have noticed how tired Ed was sooner. Instead, he'd been preoccupied with lecherous thoughts. He sighed as he took his pajamas into the bathroom to change. Roy chose his long-sleeved, button up blue pajamas. Partly because he couldn't get Ed's tight blue shirt out of his mind, but mostly because they were comfortable, showed almost no skin, and were the least sexy things he owned to sleep in.

When he got out of the bathroom Ed would be in his sleepwear, Roy would be in his, and they would go straight to bed. They might cuddle if Ed wanted to, but that was it. No inappropriate touching, and no inappropriate thoughts

He walked back into the bedroom to find Ed sitting, still clothed, on the bed. "Oh, you didn't change," Roy said.

Ed just stared at him, and not in the 'isn't Roy wonderful' way. He didn't move a muscle besides his eyes travelling up and down Roy's body. Something was wrong. Was it whatever had been distracting him all evening? Was he just tired? Sick from the train?

"Are you okay?" Roy asked as he walked closer. He hesitated next to Ed, unsure if he should reach out and touch. No one moved for a moment before Ed slowly reached up and wrapped a finger around the top button of Roy's shirt. The tug of the fabric pulled Roy's head down, and his lips landed on Ed's.

Ed held them close together, their lips pressed together with a pressure that was almost painful. Roy felt Ed's tongue slide across his bottom lip, and as soon as he opened his mouth Ed swept in and wasted no time in exploring. Roy moaned.

Roy reached up and cupped Ed's face, trying to bring them still closer. They leaned back onto the bed, supported by Ed's elbows and Roy's hand. Roy slid his other to the back of Ed's neck, digging his fingertips into the hair he'd wanted to caress all night. Roy took charge of the kiss. He pushed his tongue forward and curled it against the roof of Ed's mouth as Ed's hands slipped under Roy's shirt to touch his chest. Roy swallowed Ed's moan greedily.

Ed's kiss was full of passion and promise. It was full of the potential the night had. It was everything Roy had been imagining. Ed's hand skidded across the top of Roy's pants, and Roy realized that the kiss was too much.

Roy pulled back, and stood, breathing heavily, over the still dazed Ed. Ed was twenty. He was caught up in the moment and asking for things he didn't know about. Roy needed to be the responsible one, the clearheaded one that could assess the situation and drive them toward the right decision. Sometimes he hated being the older one. He sighed. His role as the mature one seemed particularly awful when Ed sat up and licked his lips while eyeing Roy hungrily. Did he even know how sexy he was being?

"Ed, we don't have to do this." He needed Ed to understand. Roy had no expectations for Ed to live up to, he wasn't going to pressure him, and Ed shouldn't feel the need to continue just because they were finally alone together, or just because they had started. Once Ed calmed down he would see how they were moving too fast and Roy was making the right decision.

Roy held both of Ed's hands as he said, "We don't have to push further just because you're home." Ed freed his hands and trailed them up Roy's arms, tickling him through the cloth. Ed began to undo the remaining buttons on Roy's shirt. When had Ed even gotten the bottom ones open? Roy hadn't noticed. "We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with," Roy cut off with a gasp as Ed finished the last button and pulled his shirt open. The air of the bedroom felt cold against his overheated skin. "We can just go to bed. I'm fine with that," he managed to say.

Ed looked up at Roy through his eyelashes, "But I want to do this." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Roy's abs that Roy could feel down to his groin. He stuck out the tip of his tongue and licked, and Roy revised his earlier idea of innocent, naive Ed. The damn brat knew exactly how sexy he could be, and was taking advantage of it. "Don't you want to, Roy?" Roy gasped again as air hit the cool trail Ed had left. A shiver went through him from both the sudden cold and hearing his name from Ed's lips. "Can't we keep doing this, Roy?" Ed asked in a low tone before licking around Roy's belly button. Roy struggled to catch his breath. "Please?" he whispered before sticking his tongue in Roy's navel. Roy groaned; Ed pleading, how was he supposed to stand up to that?

He grabbed Ed and tossed him into the middle of the bed. Roy hurried out of his shirt before climbing after him. The brat wanted to play dirty? Fine, Roy would stop holding back. He'd give into every instinct that was screaming at him to bite, and kiss, and lick. He'd devour Ed.

Ed smirked as Roy started in on his neck. "You're evil," Roy said before licking a line up Ed's throat.

"That was fun," Roy heard in the heavy breathing above his head.

"Pure evil," Roy said as he continued to nibble and suck. Ed's moan vibrated through Roy's lips. Ed's neck was extremely sensitive, and Roy loved taking advantage of that but he needed more skin. He pushed at Ed's shirt, and Ed moved so that they could pull it over his head. Roy threw it, and it landed with a crash.

_What was that?_  Roy thought as he looked over his shoulder.

"It was just my suitcase," Ed said.

Roy could see the corner of Ed's suitcase, where it lay on the floor.  _He hadn't even had time to unpack._  They could stop now, pick up the suitcase, put Ed's cloths away, and really think this through with clear heads—

"Leave it," Ed said.

Roy looked back at Ed, who was lying flushed and out of breathe on the bed. Roy nodded, and pressed his lips back to Ed's. He sighed into this kiss.

The lips under Roy's started moving, muttering something about Ed brushing his teeth. It was so too bothersome trying to kiss moving lips, Roy thought as he moved to kiss Ed's cheek and then trail his mouth over Ed's jaw.

"Should I—" There were so many better ways to shut Ed up than kissing his lips. Roy smirked against Ed's neck as Ed gasped when Roy's hands found Ed's belt buckle.

But what if the gasp wasn't just in pleasure? What if Ed had gone still because he wasn't ready? What if he was reconsidering?

Roy watched Ed's eyes for any hint of doubt. "You're sure?"

"For fuck's sake…" Ed rolled his eyes, and before Roy knew it he was being pulled down and Ed was grinding up against him. They both groaned and he had to put his head down next to Ed's for a moment. "Fucking  _yes_ , bastard," was whispered in Roy's ear before he felt the delightful tickle of teeth nibbling the edge of his ear.

Roy took in a deep breath. No more second-guessing; Ed was definitely ready for this. He was a grown, consenting adult, who had obviously put thought into how to drive Roy insane. Ed's hips pushed against Roy's again. Or maybe the brat was just—

"Evil," Roy huffed as he lifted back up and moved his hands to Ed's belt again. The air from Ed's answering laugh ghosted over his cheek.

Roy unbuckled Ed's belt, ripped the button from the hole, and yanked down Ed's zipper. Then he slid his fingers under the fabric of Ed's boxers, sat up, and pulled both underwear and pants down Ed's mismatched legs and tossed them to the floor.

Roy could help but stop and appreciate the view. Edward Elric was in his bed, naked. Roy's eyes followed the scars that crisscrossed the glorious tan body that was sprawled across his sheets. Ed squirmed under Roy's scrutiny, but he couldn't stop admiring. The beautiful image of a flushed Ed bare before him would be seared into Roy's mind for the rest of his life.

Ed sat up and pulled Roy forward into a kiss. Then he flipped them so that Roy was lying on the bed under Ed. Roy's blood pound in his ears as Ed kissed his way down Roy's bare chest and tugged on Roy's pajama pants. The blond devil smirked up at Roy and asked mockingly, "You sure?"

"Fuck yes, Blondie," Roy taunted back as he raised his hips invitingly. Ed tugged until Roy was naked as well, and then finally the 'isn't Roy wonderful' stare was back. When Ed met his eyes, Roy wiggled his brows to let Ed know that he knew what he was thinking and he agreed.

Ed's lips quirked up, and he started to climb onto Roy again. Roy closed his eyes and leaned up for a kiss when he suddenly heard an, "Oh, wait," and lost the body heat that had been hovering over him.

He opened his eyes to see Ed lying on his stomach and facing away. His arm was stretched out towards the floor. Roy was about to complain, but realized he couldn't when presented with that view. For what felt like the millionth time in his life, Roy realized just how  _fit_  Ed was, and how grateful he was for that. Ed had a sea of perfect muscles, and at that moment they were all flexed and laid out before Roy. It was the sort of beauty that he felt compelled to touch.

Roy placed his hand on Ed's well-toned ass and gave the firm muscle a squeeze before gliding his hand up. It was so perfect. Roy leaned down and placed a light kiss. Roy felt Ed shiver as he slid his hand further up Ed's body, following the clear path marked by Ed's spine with his hand and mouth.

Soon he reached the breathtaking waterfall of gold that was Ed's hair. He gently tugged the hair tie out and tossed it away. The shiny strands cascaded down Ed's back and over his shoulders. Roy ran his fingers through, from root to tip, helping the hair relax. Using two fingers, he gently slid the soft hair over one shoulder and pressed his lips to Ed's revealed neck. He slowly kissed his way up to Ed's ear, where he whispered, "What are you doing?" before taking the opportunity to bite and suck. Roy felt a shiver run through Ed. He ground his hips down from where he lay completely covering the blonde's body, and Ed whimpered.  _Well, that was a better reaction, but there's still room for improvement,_  Roy thought. Still moving his hips, Roy trailed his tongue down Ed's neck before biting down on a particularly sensitive spot where Ed's neck and shoulder met. A muffled cry filled the air as Ed bit down on the comforter.  _Much better_.

Roy moved with him as Ed pushed back into a sitting position. "Got it," Ed said with a smirk as he held up a small tube.

Roy took it, but couldn't decipher any meaning in the Xingese text running along the side. "What is it? I can't read Xingese."

Even more color filled Ed's already flushed face as he looked away.  _Oh this'll be interesting,_  Roy thought.

"Umm, it's a lubricant," Ed said. Well that explained it, both Ed's embarrassment and their need for it in the middle of sex. Roy may not have been with a man before, but he had been curious long enough to have paid attention to the rumors and stories. "It—Well, I asked around in Xing, and they explained some of the mechanics, the logistics really of what we were going to do, and what we might need," Ed finished. He finally turned his head to meet Roy's eyes again.

Roy couldn't imagine the discussion that led to Ed's new knowledge. Roy had never spoken to anyone about it, but Ed had talked to strangers in a foreign country in enough detail that he now knew what to do and what aids were needed.

"You asked around in Xing?"

_For me? For us?_

"Yeah, but I didn't use your name or anything."

_You think I'm worried about my reputation? How could I be focused on anything other than you, perfect you, and the selfless way you've managed to ensure we aren't both fumbling, clueless idiots?_

"I just met some guys who were a couple, and they didn't seem to mind me asking questions so I just kept asking. A lot of it made sense when thinking of it anatomically. I mean, I hadn't really thought of it while picturing my anatomy books before that, but I mean—you studied some anatomy, right?"

Roy nodded. It was so  _Ed_  to question anything he didn't understand perfectly. But looking at Ed's blushing face, Roy knew that the conversation must have been awkward even if the men 'didn't seem to mind.' Ed could barely retell the experience while meeting  _Roy's_  eye, how had he talked to others? Roy imagined Ed uncomfortable, and rambling, and asking more and more questions because he didn't know what to say and was still so curious.

"Well, it makes sense that a lubricant would be needed, and umm," Ed looked away again, face flaming, "Preparation. How else would it fit really?"

Roy looked at the tube in his hand with more interest. He opened the top and was surprised that there wasn't a seal that needed to be torn. And was some already smeared on the inside of the cap?

"And the thing about the prostate. Obviously you could touch it if your finger was  _there_ , but I just hadn't really thought. And—"

"Has this been opened?" Roy asked.

He looked up, but couldn't catch Ed's eye. Ed was turned away and looked completely mortified. "I uh—I may have practiced a bit," Ed mumbled.

He'd—? Ed had  _practiced?_  What did that mean? Did the Xingese couple show him how to use the lube when they gave it to him? Had Ed cheated?

"You practiced…" The words weakly escaped Roy's mouth without his permission.

"So?!" Ed yelled, surprising Roy. "I was all alone, and only had that stupid picture of you, and I was already curious when you just  _had to_  tell me that you were undressing while we were on the phone, and then you fucking hung up on me after saying you were getting in the fucking  _shower_ , and what was I supposed to—!"

Roy tackled Ed onto the bed and kissed him hard. Ed hadn't cheated. He'd gotten turned on by a damn  _phone call_  from  _Roy_ , and had taken matters into his own hands. Roy pictured Ed alone in some hotel room touching himself, experimenting with lube and fingers, to a picture of  _Roy_. He pulled Ed's face closer with one hand, and ran the other up Ed's side. He wrapped both arms around Ed to bring him up and closer, while at the same time pushing his body down into Ed's and the mattress. Roy couldn't get enough. He wanted to be touching Ed, all of him, at once, he wanted Ed to know how amazing he was, he wanted to kiss Ed hard enough to make up for all of the lonely nights with only phone calls and photos.

Roy relished every moan he drew from Edward. He moved his hand from its place on Ed's ass, around front, to between Ed's legs. The breath wheezed out of Ed, and as he gasped for more, Roy kissed a trail from Ed's mouth to his ear, where he said in a deeper voice than normal, "You are _unbelievable."_

Roy listened to Ed gasp and whimper as he stroked him. With the other hand he squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers before sliding them between Ed's cheeks. Ed jumped before relaxing and pulling Roy into another kiss. Ed's clenched fist tugged Roy's hair as he entered Ed with a finger and tongue.

Roy felt Ed fighting not to tense up, and ended the kiss to watch Ed's face. He didn't want to hurt him, and he had no idea if he was doing this right.

Roy sped up the hand that was moving along Ed's shaft before adding a second finger. He moved his hands in sync as he watched Ed. He must be doing something right because Ed seemed to be enjoying it. He really was unbelievable. Roy felt incredibly lucky to have Ed in his bed. It had been empty for so long, and now it was warm and full of the love of his life, who was flushed and panting because of Roy's hands alone.

"I'm—I'm gonna—" Ed rasped out as he pulled at Roy's hand that was wrapped around him. Was that it? Was he ready? Roy pulled both hands away, and Ed whimpered. "No, three fingers."

"Three?" Roy asked, once again grateful for Ed's need to research, for his courage, for his intelligence, and beauty, inside and out.  _So perfect, how is this real?_

Ed nodded. "They said three."

Roy moved his hand back into place, and pushed in. Ed gave a slight wince, but then it was gone. Ed's hand clawed at Roy's free arm as he panted.  _He must be close,_ Roy thought.

Roy slicked himself with the lube with his free hand before removing the other from Ed and moving into place.

Ed pulled him into a kiss as he pushed, but as Roy felt the wince against his lips, he stopped. Something was wrong.  _What did I do wrong?_

Ed shook his head, and said, "Do it," but Roy hesitated. Something was wrong, and he didn't want to hurt Ed. "Do it," Ed repeated.

Maybe a distraction would help. There was no way that this could be completely comfortable their first time, but Roy could help. He wrapped his hand back around Ed and pumped slowly as he pushed in. It seemed to be working until Roy felt Ed's legs wrap around him and pull him forward, shoving him all the way into Ed.

Ed stiffened, frozen with his eyes and mouth open in pain.

_Oh no, oh no._

Roy leaned his forehead against Ed's. "Ed?"

No response.  _What have I done? What have I done? I've hurt him. After everything he— I finally have him and I—_

"I'm sorry," Roy mumbled. He'd ruined everything, this perfect night, this perfect moment. He'd hurt the one person he cared for more than anything, the one person he'd waited over a decade to find. He closed his eyes. As much as he deserved to see the pain he caused he couldn't bare to look Ed in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again.

Roy felt Ed's head shake from side to side, moving Roy's along with it. A hand cupped his cheek, and thumb stroked under his eye before Ed kissed him. This kiss was softer than any other they had shared that night. It was reassuring, and safe, and everything Roy needed in that moment.

Roy kissed back, trying to show that he understood, but he didn't want to hurt Ed so he did his best to move only his head. Ed's hand stroked Roy's side comfortingly before Ed pulled back and nodded for Roy to continue. Roy knew Ed's smiles, and he knew this one was for his benefit.  _You don't need to,_ Roy thought.

"'M fine," Ed whispered.

Roy kissed Ed.  _You don't need to be brave. You don't need to be tough. Not here. Not for me._

Roy began to stroke Ed again, being sure to keep everything still but his hand. He moved his hand up and down Ed's shaft slowly. He flicked his thumb over the head, before swirling his thumb and squeezing his whole hand slightly. He moved back to stroking up and down, the rhythm increasing as he went, until Ed was breathing heavily out of pleasure rather than pain.  _Don't be brave. Don't ask me to hurt you. Please._

_Please. I'd die first._  Roy kept his hand moving as he began to kiss Ed's neck. He paid attention to every spot he knew Ed loved. The rhythm of his hand slowed again, making Ed groan. Then Roy carefully began moving himself to the same rhythm of his hand.

Roy stayed alert for any signs of pain, but didn't see them this time. A few more strokes, and Ed gasped. "There. There, again," Ed said breathlessly. Roy made sure to keep the same angle as he sped up.

Kissing forgotten, they lay with their heads next to one another, breathing hard and moaning. Every sound he coaxed from Edward was more beautiful than an orchestra. He enjoyed them just as much as the almost too tight heat squeezing him. They moved perfectly together, faster and faster, creating a pressure that built until it was overwhelming, consuming.

Ed made a high-pitched keening noise as he climaxed, squeezing Roy tighter still until he followed.

A moment of harsh breathing later, and Roy pulled out of him and rolled onto his side. Ed groaned as he rolled over into Roy's embrace. Roy took deep breaths to even out his breathing as he savored the feeling of Ed in his arms. He felt lips press under his collarbone, and hugged Ed tighter.

He kissed Ed's disheveled hair, and repeated, "You are unbelievable."

"Mm hmm," Ed agreed sleepily with a nod.

Roy laughed.  _You're so perfect, truly unbelievable._

"I love you," Roy whispered.

"Love you," Ed mumbled against Roy's chest.

One more tight hug, and Roy drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning Roy sat in nothing but sweatpants next to the bathtub, where Ed lay.

"I can't believe you carried me in here," Ed said with a chuckle.

Roy smiled, leaned over, cupped Ed's cheek, and kissed him.

"Mmm," Ed moaned as Roy peppered kisses along his cheek and neck before moving back to his lips. "You could have woken me sooner," Ed said when Roy pulled back.

Roy thought back to waking up to the sight of Edward asleep in his bed, of taking a shower before running a bath so that Ed could clean in comfort. "You needed sleep."

"You could have joined me in here," Ed said while wiggle his eyebrows.

Roy brushed aside Ed's damp bangs. "I thought you'd be more comfortable like this."

"We both could have fit." Ed looked at the tub. "Why do you have such a big tub anyway?"

"It's only looks big because someone so small is in it," Roy said with a smirk.

"Who are you calling—?" Ed cut off his rant with a wince. "Ow," he moaned as he rubbed his lower back.

The smirk dropped from Roy's face. He reached in and ran his hand soothingly up and down Ed's side and lower back.

Ed frowned at him. "You look like a kicked puppy. I'm fine."

Roy kissed him again while still rubbing his side. He pulled Ed's lips into long, slow kisses as he ran his other hand through Ed's hair, digging his fingers in in an impromptu head massage.

"Wait," Ed said. He pulled back before leaning forward for one more kiss. "Can you get my suitcase?"

Roy raised his eyebrow, but stood, wiped his hands off with a towel, and walked back into their room. He grabbed Ed's suitcase and brought it back to the bathroom. What did Ed need his suitcase for? Surely the Xingese couple hadn't given him even more sex aids.

"Open the front part," Ed said.

Roy unzipped it and pulled out a brown paper bag with Xingese writing on it. Inside was an old book with more Xingese text on the front.

"It's a book on the use of fire and air in alkahestry. It has really wide gaps between the lines, so I translated it for you. Sorry if my handwriting is a little sloppy in places, I had to do most of the writing on the trains."

Roy opened the book to see handwritten Xingese text written under Ed's Amestrian translation. There were boarders depicting the different elements, mostly fire and air, painted on each of the pages.

"I—" Roy cut off more of Ed's explanation with a kiss. "I thought it would help with your fire alchemy," Ed continued anyway, muffled by Roy's lips. Roy moved on to kissing his jaw. "Or maybe you'd just find it interesting. I don't know, I just saw it and thought of you." He paused to take in a sharp breath as Roy sucked on his neck. "I—I… didn't even realize till later that you couldn't read it." Roy moved back up to Ed's lips, muffling the next part again. "So then I started translating."

"Perfect," Roy said with his mouth still pressed to Ed's. "Thank you," even muffled, he hoped Ed could still hear the meaning behind the words, just how much he was thankful for.

"Mmm," Ed moaned and pulled Roy closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this ended up over a thousand words longer than the last chapter, and that's including the last chapter's ANs O.O
> 
> Roy turned out to be really full of the fluff, and kind of sad, the poor guy. He's also pretty touchy feely, but that's kind of expected after so much time deprived of a romantic relationship.


	6. In which a friendship is maybe started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was impatient to write more of this story, so I've been writing this over the past couple of days on my phone. Any grammar mistakes in Ed's letters are because I don't think his grammar skills would be perfect. Any other mistakes are probably just my fault.
> 
> This is a compilation of the first few letters Roy and Ed sent to each other after the Promised Day, as well as the beginning of their first phone call.
> 
> I wanted to show how they started talking and building a more positive relationship after the series ended. I have plans for more series of letters from different points in their friendship/relationship, and for some AlWin letters. Let me know what you think :)
> 
> This chapter takes place months (about 5 or 6) after the Promised Day (not when Ed and Al left the hospital and Central - I think Al would have needed to be there for weeks, if not a full month, at least, to have the muscle strength to walk from the train station to Winry's).

Fullmetal,

I hope this letter finds you well. As you may or may not remember, Elicia's birthday is fast approaching. I'm sure she would be delighted if her big brothers Ed and Al were to attend her birthday party. It's the Saturday after next. If the both of you are able to make it, perhaps I could pick you up from the train station and we could surprise her. An added gift as it were.

Looking forward to your response,

Brigadier General Roy Mustang

* * *

DEAR Bastard,

What? I don't even merit a greeting? I saved the world with you, jackass, the least you could do is cut the "Fullmetal" crap. It reminds me of seeing your smarmy face and hearing your smarmy voice in your office. Then I have to read that ridiculously formal letter. What the hell are you playing at, Mustang? I don't work for you anymore, I shouldn't still have to slog through your bullshit.

Of course Al and I know about Elicia's party. We each got invitations, so did Winry. I bet you just heard about it from someone and invited yourself. I don't know why anyone would want you there enough to actually invite you. We can't go anyway. It's only been a few months and Al isn't far enough in his physical therapy for a trip to Central. It would have been fun to see Elicia, but at least we don't have to endure you.

Sincerely,

Edward Elric

The FORMER Fullmetal Alchemist who knows how to address a fucking letter

* * *

My dearest, brattiest, shortest former, or current, underling,

It is very hypocritical to bitch about an improperly addresses letter when yours is addressed to "Bastard." And you should know that the salutation I have chosen for this letter is in no way meant to exclude future subordinates I may have, for I doubt I shall ever have a shorter brat work for me than you. I'm not entirely sure that there is anyone in the country that is shorter than you. Elicia has grown quite a bit; it would have been fun to see just how far her height surpasses your own. Too bad you can't make the party.

How is your brother's rehabilitation going? I haven't heard from him since you both left Central. And out of politeness I suppose I should ask how you are doing. I hope you don't take offense to my manners being "ridiculous" and "smarmy," you little punk.

Sincerely yours,

Brigadier General Roy Mustang

* * *

Dear Bastard,

because how the hell else am I supposed to address a letter to you? Brigadier General is too long to write out for a damn greeting. I'm not doing it, so get over yourself. Have you ever noticed that Mustang has the same number of letters as Bastard? Since they take the same amount of effort to write, I went with the one that suits you best.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTER THAN THE PIN ON ELICIA'S PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY!? I WILL END YOU! YOU ARE DEAD THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU YOU BASTARD! DO YOU HEAR ME?! DEAD! DEAD!

I hate you so much

I was so mad at you today that I accidentally missed the nail and hammered my thumb when fixing the roof. If I need surgery, I'm billing you.

I wouldn't have even bothered to write you back, but I was so mad and wanted to yell at you. And you asked about Al.

He's doing good. He can walk all the way to mom's grave and only need one break now. Once he can make it all the way there we're going to work on walking to the market. He can write his name a lot clearer now too. We got these big pencils for him from the hospital, and Al hates them, but they're really cool. Like you know how we used to throw pencils at the ceiling in the office sometimes? Well these suckers stick so much better, and they scare the crap out of people when they fall. It scared Den pretty bad yesterday. Al made me feel bad because it's a dog and all you know, but it was so funny when it scared Winry. She jumped so high! You'll have to try them some time. They're like fucking darts. Havoc would love them.

Hope you're having fun with your lame pencils,

Ed

Oh, and tell Elicia that we say hi and happy birthday. If you don't, then you're a bigger bastard than I thought.

* * *

Dearest Fullmetal,

I hope my salutation is still satisfactory, even if my last one was more colorful and accurate. Have you ever noticed that my first name is only 3 letters? This makes it significantly easier to write than any title or name that you've ever used to address me.

Please tell me you yelled at my letter. I bet you did. I can see it now, especially based off of your reply. You ranted in a letter. I can't believe it. Thank you, I needed a laugh!

That's great news to hear about Al. Please tell him that all of us here in Central think of him often and wish him the best. We'd love to see him when he is able to travel.

Of course I passed your message along to Elicia. She was very happy to hear from you, and loved the gift you sent her. You should expect pictures from her party and a card full of scribbles to arrive in the mail any day now.

You were fixing a roof? Don't try to blame your incompetence in construction on me. Why don't you try looking where you swing the hammer instead of blaming others?

Sincerely,

Brigadier General Roy Mustang

The Flame Alchemist, who knows how to properly add a postscript to a letter

P.S. No, Fullmetal, I cannot hear you in a letter. Though if I recall, I also had trouble hearing, or seeing, you in person as well. Are you still shorter than my desk?

* * *

WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO FIT INTO THE SMALLEST MILITARY UNIFORM THIS COUNTRY CAN MAKE YOU ASS?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SEND ME?! WHY?

IF I HAVE TO CALL YOU ROY THAN YOU HAVE TO CALL ME ED. IT'S LESS LETTERS THAN FULLMETAL. EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE!

Al was happy everyone was rooting for him.

* * *

"Ed, phone for you," Winry called.

Ed got up from his seat across from Al at the table to hesitantly answer the phone. No one ever called him, so who would call now, on a Sunday morning?

"Hello?"

"It's called a chessboard. I would have thought a prodigy would have been able to figure that much out on his own."

"Colonel?!"

"Brigadier General," Mustang corrected, and Ed could  _hear_  his smirk.

"Do you  _ever_  shut up about being promoted?"

"Only as often as you grow."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN THE DAMN STAR THEY ADDED TO YOUR FUCKING UNIFORM?!" Ed cut off as he heard laughter ring through the phone. "So did you just call to insult me or what?"

"Actually, since you decided to waste postage by sending me two sentences, I though I'd remind you that telephones exist and might be a better way to get a message to me."

"It was like five sentences, and- shut up! Seriously, does  _anyone_  fucking like you?"

"I could give you a list of people who would be happy to give first hand accounts of just how likable I am."

"I don't need your little black book, Mustang," Ed said with a roll of his eyes.

"Hmm, maybe not. I mean, you did somehow talk your way into living with a beautiful woman."

"Uh huh, whatever. Why'd you send me a damn chessboard?"

"You sounded bored."

"Of course I did, I was talking to you."

"Right," Mustang said, deadpan. "Well, I thought I'd give your mind something to focus on before you skewered someone with a pencil."

"Oh fuck you. I didn't mention the pencils because I was bored; I was just trying to bring up the only good memory I have of you. Figured if we were going to be pen pals or whatever then I could try being nice, but fine. Just accuse me of manslaughter by pencil, see if I care."

"As you put it, we 'saved the world together,' and yet your best memory of me is throwing pencils at a ceiling?"

"Yeah, well getting a pencil to stay in a ceiling for a full week is more impressive than going blind right at the good part of the fight, so that you could fumble around while I was busy saving the-"

" _Excuse me?_ "

"I knew you were lazy, but that was a little extreme just to avoid some work. Even for you."

"Maybe you need to freshen your memory to just how useful I can be."

"Well maybe you helped some, but I mostly just remember you being useless." There was a pause, and at first Ed wondered if Mustang was counting to ten- he did that sometimes when they were arguing, usually while fingering his gloves- but Ed was able to count to twenty before Mustang finally spoke. So either Ed counted fast, or Mustang felt the need to count higher, or Ed's guess was just wrong.

"So have you ever played chess before?"

"No." Ed hesitated, not wanting to admit anything good about Mustang's gift. He looked back to Al, who was sitting with the chessboard. "Al and I were just studying the directions you sent with it. Al seems to think it'll be a great daily exorcise for his mind while his body regains its strength."

"Of course it-"

"Don't try to act like than was your idea from the start," Ed snapped, turning back to face the window positioned above the phone base.

"Why not? I'm brilliant and think of everything. Haven't you realized that yet?"

Ed scoffed. "You are so full of yourself."

"I actually did think it would be good for you," Mustang said, voice going serious. "I've always enjoyed chess, and I think it's a game that you would be able to master with practice. It'll teach you a new, more patient type of logic that I think would benefit you more than the rash way of thinking you have now." Ed almost interrupted, but Mustang continued before he could. "And it'll stimulate your mind more than fixing a roof could."

"I  _told_  you, I'm  _not_ bored. Just because you obviously don't know how to enjoy doing physical labor, or hell, even how to do physical labor  _at all_ , and just because you're bored, stuck at a desk full of paperwork, doesn't mean the rest of us aren't  _loving_  the downtime after all the chaos. I'm living my dream, Mustang. Restore Al and return to Risembool; that was the plan-that was  _always_  the plan-and a few details may be different than we imagined, but I achieved my goal. And I'm going to be happy and enjoy that achievement. And if learning chess is part of how I do that, then that doesn't mean I'm fucking  _bored_."

Ed listened to the silence coming from Mustang's side of the phone as Ed tried to even his breathing and calm down. Finally he heard, "My apologies."

"Right," Ed said before the awkward silence returned. Maybe this was an awful idea. Pen pals with the bastard? How could that ever work? They couldn't even get along in person, yet he was seriously considering trying to keep in touch through letters and phone calls? As if they could stand each other more with distance between them. They'd still hate each other if Amestris  _and_  Xing were separating them. The idea that they could be anything resembling friends was laughable, ridiculous, completely and utterly stupid, but still Ed found himself taunting, "I'm going to master this chess thing quicker than you ever did. I'll be good enough to beat you in no time!"

"You think so, huh?"

"I know so!"

Mustang hesitated, causing a small pause before Ed heard, "Did you know that two people can compete in a long distance chess match?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Tell me when you're 'good enough to beat me' and I'll show you how."

"You're on."


	7. In Which Ed Has a Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place the morning after chapter 3.

The first thing Ed noticed when he woke up was the head splitting migraine worse than any he'd ever had before. He groaned, but even that hurt, so, noiselessly, he rolled over and pulled his blanket over his head.

 _Bad idea_.

A wave of nausea, a stumbling dash out the door and across the hall, a flick of the light switch- _no, ow, Leto, Ishvalla, gods, when had light turned evil?-_ and Ed was emptying his stomach into the toilet.

Sprawled on the floor, Ed hunched over as much as he could to block the light. Turning on the lights when entering a room was Ed's new least favorite habit, and he swore on the Periodic Table, right then and there, to stop doing it. He'd start his new life in darkness as soon as he felt up to standing again.

Another wave of nausea, a low moan, and some benevolent force turned the light off without any help from Ed. He moaned again, but in appreciation this time.

A few more minutes and Ed's stomach had settled. Remarkably, he felt a good deal better now. With a sigh, he stood and brushed his teeth, which helped too.

He dragged his feet on the way back to his room, where he found Al sitting on the freshly made bed. Al pointed to a glass of water and two pills that were sitting in the bedside table, and said, "The Lieutenant General said for you to take that."

Ed nodded and swallowed the pills. Then he drank the entire cup of water, hoping it would help his hangover. He moved to lie back down when Al grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the bathroom. "Oh no you don't. I just cleaned that bed. It smelled like alcohol and sweat and so do you. You're taking a shower."

Ed groaned, then groaned louder as Al proved the idiotic decision to turn on lights ran in their family. Al mumbled an apology and turned the lights off again before he turned on the shower and tossed Ed in.

"You know," Al began.

"Can't you whisper?" Ed moaned.

"You know," Al said in a softer tone, "The Lieutenant General stayed with you all night."

"Call him Roy," Ed said, a reflex he'd developed when he started to call the bastard Roy and decided Al should do the same. Then Al's words sank in. Stayed with him all night? Why would Roy do that? He made a questioning sound towards the shower curtain that separated him from his brother.

"He said he wanted to make sure you didn't die from alcohol poisoning on his watch." Al hesitated. "His reasons were actually more uh sentimental than that, weren't they?"

Ed froze, soap covered hands tangled in his hair, as memories from last night ambushed him. Drinking, epiphanies, coming home, falling, kissing Roy. "Crap." One last memory, Al seeing. Al running. "Al..."

Al cleared his throat. "How long have you two umm..."

Ed's cheeks flushed. "That was the second time we've uh kissed. I don't really- uh don't really know what we're... What we are. I guess." It was quiet for what felt to Ed like a long time. Long enough for the soap to run off him. He turned off the shower, but didn't get out. "Please say something."

Al opened the shower curtain and held out a towel. Ed studied his face; it was red and embarrassed, maybe determined, but there was no hate, no recriminations. "Brother," Al started as Ed wrapped himself in the towel, but he didn't seem to know what to say after that.

So Ed said, "You don't... I mean are um- are  _we_  okay?"

"Of course," he said at once, a little too loudly. He made an apologetic face when Ed winced, and then continued more softly, "I had all night to think about it, and you're my brother and I'll love you no matter what, but I... I don't really understand..." He looked away, uncertain. How could Al feel uncertain when Ed was the one who was...  _feeling_ all of these things, and  _acting_  on them.

"I don't really understand either," Ed said as he sat on the edge of the tub. Al handed him sweat pants, a tank top, and boxers, so Ed stood back up and toweled off.

"You don't? One of us should understand, and it makes the most sense for it to be you," Al said as Ed pulled on his boxers and pants.

"Well I don't. I thought Roy should for a while, but I don't think he understands much more than I do." Ed pulled his shirt on. Al steered them both back to Ed's room where Ed lay down and Al sat facing him at the foot of the bed. "I guess it doesn't matter now. I mean, I basically molested Roy last night." Ed let out a long groan and covered his face with his hands. "I ruined everything," Ed said, voice muffled.

"If it helps, he seemed to like the molesting," Al said hesitantly.

"Really?" Ed asked, peaking between his fingers. When Al nodded, he lowered his hands, a small smile on his face.

"That makes you happy... This is so weird." Al looked away. Ed looked down, and then scrunched up his face. He looked back up, but before he could speak, Al continued, "I'm sorry, there are just a few things that I might need another night to get used to." Al looked back at Ed. "But I do want to understand."

Ed stared into Al's eyes. This was his little brother, who, more than anyone, deserved some sort of explanation from Ed, so he thought through the headache-although the painkillers Roy left him really were helping- and tried to put his feelings into words. "You know how I've been having problems with girls? Of course you know or you wouldn't have set me up with Jill. Well, I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me. I mean I just couldn't connect with them, and-"

"So you just decided to give up?" Al quickly closed his mouth. He looked down, and then back up at Ed. "I'm sorry. It's not like that, I know... Actually I don't know." He sighed, shaking his head. "Can you just continue?"

Ed nodded, eyes wide. "I um, I wasn't attracted to them. I realize that now. Roy helped me; he's the one who suggested that maybe I was gay-"

"He's the one that gave you the idea." Al hesitated. "Are you sure that um..."

"That  _what_ , Al?"

"I don't know. You've always said that he's manipulative, and just-"

"He isn't manipulating me," Ed said, voice stronger than it had been since he woke up. "This is how I feel, how I am. Roy just helped me realize it. He's been trying to help me, Al, because he knows what I'm going through."

"It's just- the age difference is-"

"I've thought about the age difference."

"You have?"

"Yeah, last night, and I figure I've been through enough to equal like five eighteen year olds, so I'm really ninety-"

"Is this the sort of logic I can expect from you when intoxicated?"

"Prob'ly," Ed mumbled, snuggling more into his pillow.

"I motion that you never drink again."

"Seconded," Ed said, rubbing his head.

"What about once you forget what it's like to be hung over?"

"I'll say you forced me to agree under duress and drink anyway."

Al laughed. "You've been spending too much time with Roy, you're thinking like a politician."

Ed grunted out a chuckle. Then he ventured hesitantly, "I made the first move every time. I wanted to kiss him, both times, and he argued against it, both times. I'm not being manipulated. I- I just-" Ed took a deep breath. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I can't stop thinking about him. When we kissed, it was, I don't know, sparks and electricity and fire. He's smart, and fun, and interesting, and...and... and this is weird, isn't it? You need another day to cope before we talk about this, right?"

Al gave Ed a gentle smile. "I'm glad he makes you happy, brother."

Ed blushed, and mumbled, "Thanks. So you're okay with this?"

Al nudged Ed's leg with his foot. "Of course. As long as you're happy, and not being tricked into anything."

"I'm not. It's not even just a Roy thing; Ling was hot."

Al groaned. "What happened when we were separated? Actually, I don't want to know." Al covered his ears. "I'll never have slept enough nights to be okay talking about this."

Ed laughed. "Shut up. He was being possessed by Greed-"

"And that's the only reason nothing happened?" Al said, laughing too.

"No. Shut up." Ed kicked Al lightly with his foot. "Maybe it's a bit more of a 'just a Roy thing' than I let on," he said blushing.

"I still don't want to know about what goes on between you two either," Al said, still laughing, "I've been traumatized enough, thank you."

"Traumatized?"

"I had to walk in and witness- ugh!" Al shook in a dramatic shiver.

"Hey!"

"Would you like to see me kissing Winry?"

"Point taken," Ed said, scrunching his nose up and sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"Then again, I bet Winry and I would look great while kissing."

"And we don't? Roy and I are amazing kissers."

A throat clearing brought their attention to the door, where Roy stood, amused, and holding a tray full of food. Ed blushed.

"I have to... go," Al said as he stood.

"Do you?" Ed asked between clenched teeth.

"Yeah. I have that thing to do. Time sensitive, you know, and I can only do it not here. Bye!" Al called as he ran out the door.

 _Traitor!_  Ed screamed at him in his mind, but he couldn't really blame Al. He'd leave this awkward situation if he could too, but he really needed to talk to Roy.

Roy, still looking amused, motioned for Ed to sit up. Once he was sitting against his pillows Roy put the tray on his lap, and asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks." Ed had been avoiding Roy's eyes, but finally met them. "And, uh thanks," he said while scratching the back of his head, "For the medicine, and turning off the bathroom light-that was you, right?-and for um staying with me last night to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit or whatever."

"Eloquent as always," Roy murmured as he sat in a chair that Ed hadn't noticed before. Had Roy brought it in last night? Is that where he stayed while Ed was passed out?

Ed glared and grumbled before turning to the tray. Eggs, toast, fruit, apple juice, more water, and tea. Ed picked up the tea and sniffed it.  _Mmm ginger._ "You are such a girl," he mumbled, but he took a sip anyway.  _Damn, this is pretty good_ , he thought before taking another sip.

He was just biting into a piece of toast- _mmm was that honey on it?-_ when Roy said, "Funny because last night you seemed extremely grateful that I was in fact  _not_  a girl." Ed choked, washed the toast out of his throat with the juice, and looked up. Roy was looking more smug and bastardly than usual, so Ed glared, before focusing on his food again. "I believe your exact words were that I'm  _perfect_  and you're happy I'm not a girl."

"Now  _that_  sounded more eloquent inside my head," Ed mumbled while tapping his nail against the side of the glass.

"Really? And what was the more eloquent version of  _I'm hot in your head?_ "

_Roy was hot. He was fantastically, fucking hot._

Ed groaned. "You aren't really going to make me say it, are you?"

"I think I deserve to know your thoughts, don't you? You seemed to want me to hear them last night."

That was true. Ed wanted to tell him everything last night, and Roy had put up with it, all of his babbling and pawing. Roy deserved the truth. "Um- well, yesterday I realized I think about you. A lot. Even before we- even in Risembool, and it's gotten worse since I got here. Yesterday, I couldn't get you out of my head. I looked for you on the street, in every soldier that passed, I thought about you as soon as I woke up, while I was out with Al, while I was talking to Jill. It was so annoying, ridiculously distracting, really..." Ed trailed off as he felt the bed dip as Roy moved to sit on the edge of it. "So, right, you're in my head, and um," Ed felt his face burn red but continued, "you're hot. You're good looking-I know you know that-so I said you were hot. I was kind of going off the flame thing, being clever, you know."

"You're clever, I know."

_Roy was hot. He was fantastically, fucking hot. And smart, he was so freaking clever, the stupid, annoying bastard. And what if a little risk let Ed feel those sparks again? Roy's hand? His lips?_

"So are you," Ed said, finally looking up at Roy. "You're so clever, and we have so much fun together. I love our letters and phone calls." Roy opened his mouth to speak, but Ed held up his hands to stop him. "No, please, just listen. I thought about this a lot last night. We don't work together anymore, so you can't tell me that that's an issue at all. It isn't, it can't be. And about the age difference, I'm-"

"You're ninety?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ed groaned. "I had, I don't know, this idea that I'd lived enough for five eighteen year olds, so I was ninety, and that made me older than you. Al and I have already discussed how illogical my logic actually is while drunk."

"You're definitely older than your age. Personally, I'm much more comfortable with an age difference of thirty one to a mature eighteen than ninety to thirty one, aren't you?"

"Really?" Ed asked, hopeful.

_What if it wasn't a risk? We are awesome together. We are like kick-ass, bad-ass, fucking awesome friends. Why wouldn't we be even more awesomer as more than friends?_

_Friendship variable x awesome factor = more awesome_

_Except not because it's not like an experiment. It's us._

"I know you're worried about the friendship varia- I mean risking our friendship, but we're really good at being friends, and we've never had a conventional friendship to begin with. So maybe if we were more than friends, then we'd just be even better together." Ed, face flaming, looked down, but blustered onward, "I think our friendship could not only survive, but become stronger if-" Ed cut off as the tray was moved off of his lap.

"If we became 'more than friends.'"

The sound of Roy's deep voice made Ed look up; Roy was much closer than a moment ago. Ed nodded. It took a couple of swallows before he could get his voice to work. "I promise not to treat us like an experiment anymore. I get that now. No more experiments, just us."

"What if  _I_  had an idea for an experiment?" Roy asked, voice low, leaning in.

"Because you're not sure if we're compatible yet? Because my experiments didn't yield the same results for you?" Ed asked, uncertain.

"Hmmm no. I was just curious about a cure I once heard of."

"A cure?" Ed asked, breathless. Roy was so impossibly close now.

"Have you heard that you can cure anything with a kiss?" Roy asked, and nudged Ed's nose with his own.

Ed nodded, jostling their noses together once more.

"I propose an experiment," Roy said, brushing his lips in a light, barely there touch across Ed's, "To determine if that's true in the case of a hang over."

"Okay," Ed whispered.

He  _felt_  Roy smirk, before lips pressed against his. Soft, more confident than any of their other kissed, but still the sparks, and fire, and  _ohh that feels good._ A hand had slipped through Ed's drying hair to cradle his head. He eased his arm around Roy's waist, and tugged him closer. Ed gasped as the tip of a tongue brushed against his bottom lip. And then Roy was gone.

"Did it work?" He was so smug, leaning over Ed, that damn smirk still on his face while Ed was breathless, and probably flushed, and panting.

Ed licked his lips. He didn't really care about any lingering pain in his head, he didn't care if the light was on or off, he just wanted Roy to lean back down, to kiss him again. So maybe the kiss had worked, but instead he said, "I'm not sure. You might want to try again, just in case."

Roy's smirk turned into a real smile, the kind Ed was only starting to see now that he was out of the military and building a friendship with Roy. "Just in case," Roy murmured, eyes studying Ed's, and then tracing down his face. Roy leaned in and placed a soft kiss on each of Ed's temples. "Yes, better safe than sorry," he whispered, fluttering kissed down Ed's jaw between words.

Ed managed to focus long enough to ask, "Can I still call you bastard?"

Roy laughed. "I'd be concerned if you didn't."

Ed tilted his head to nudge Roy back upward, and used his hand to steer the bastard's lips back towards his. He leaned up, and moaned when their mouths met.

Sparks.

He should have known that he'd need another alchemist for there to be chemistry. He should have known that for sparks, for fire and passion, he'd need the Flame Alchemist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been dying to write this part, so I did it next even though I was hoping to do some AlWin soon.
> 
> Also, I've stared the next chapter of Redo, and I have the whole chapter outlined so it shouldn't be months and months for the next update like it was last time :)


	8. In Which the Short Distance Between Intimate and Social Space Ruins a Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I've been gone a while, and that this chapter isn't very long. Good news: I already have the next chapter of Rewind halfway done, so you should get that fairly soon (I'm thinking within days of this one. I really hate stopping writing mid chapter).
> 
> This chapter is a big moment in Roy and Ed's relationship, and I've been dying to write it. I know it's short, but I feel like that works for it since this moment is sort of understated for them as well…you'll see what I mean. I hope you like it!
> 
> This takes place when Ed is still traveling Xing, but before the smutty chapters (ch. 4+5). It's one of his visits to Central.

"It's kind of great to be home."

"It's kind of great to have you home," Roy said, and he wasn't sure which he loved more: the sheepish smile he never saw on Ed before they started dating, or the way Ed now referred to Central and Roy's house as home.

"Yeah, this is great. Just us. Some time alone together."

This was the third time Ed had said something to that effect since he'd come home. Once when he'd found a letter from Al while unpacking, once at dinner, and right then as they were walking down the streets of Central. Roy knew better than to think the constant reassurances were for him. He was hardly the one who was going to be devastated that Ed's plans to see Alphonse hadn't worked out.

"It is. I've missed you," Roy said, and he was graced again with Ed's embarrassed smile. He wished for a moment, as he often did when with Ed, that it would be acceptable for him to reach out and take Ed's hand. He wished they could stroll hand in hand, arm in arm, or with his arm around Ed's waist the way other couples could. Then the moment was gone; Roy forced himself not to care about the space between them, to remember that he had a surprise that would cheer Ed up even more, and that they would be able to touch again tonight once they were behind closed doors.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess there were times I wished you were around too," Ed said. That's how most of Ed's compliments were. Roy wondered if he'd manage to get an outright compliment in a moment.

He knew exactly when Ed saw it. Ed did a double take before he stopped walking, as though he wouldn't,  _couldn't_ , believe what he was seeing.

"Al?" Ed said, the surprise in his voice making it breathless. Alphonse was sitting a little ways away at a table on the patio of a restaurant. He waved excitedly to his brother, and Roy was surprised Ed didn't sprint straight to him.

"Aren't you going over?"

Ed turned to stare at Roy, eyes wide with wonder. "You got Al here."

Roy shrugged. "He's waiting. Go have lunch with your brother."

"He was in Creta," Ed said, incredulity creeping into his tone now.

"I knew you wanted to see him. It only took a few calls. It wasn't a problem."

"The  _other side_ of Creta. There was a boarder skirmish stopping him from getting here." His voice was definitely incredulous now.

"Okay. Maybe it took a little effort. Ed-"

"I fucking love you."

The words took Roy's breath away. His train of thought was completely, entirely, derailed. They hadn't said that before. Never, not once, had they broached the subject of love.

_Does that count as an outright compliment if he said 'fucking'?_ Roy brushed the fleeting thought aside. Ed just said he loved him. For the first time.

And they were in the middle of town, where Roy couldn't do anything that about it.

Roy's hands twitched. He wanted to step forward, grab Ed, and kiss him like they'd never kissed before. Roy wanted to kiss him like he should kiss his boyfriend that just confessed his love after being away for months. Instead, he stayed where he was. His feet were rooted to the spot, and the distance between them seemed more achingly gapping than it ever had before.

"I love you too," Roy said, and the words seemed so feeble without any sort of physical gesture. He couldn't even use body language, facial expression,  _anything_ , to show how much this meant to him lest someone notice, but he did his best to put as much emotion into his tone as he could.

Ed's face had always been more expressive than Roy's, and the smile that lit up his face at those words made Roy's heart thud even harder. He hadn't thought it possible. It  _hurt_. Or maybe that was the cold pain that came with standing just out of arms reach of the thing you loved most.

"Are you coming to...?" Ed trailed off, gesturing to the table where Al waited. Roy knew what he was thinking: if they were sitting next to each other, maybe their hands could brush, or their knees, or maybe they could clasp hands briefly under the table.

Roy shook his head. "Today it's just the two of you, but tonight you're mine."

Ed hesitated. He looked so unsure, like he wanted to run to Roy and to Al, and his feet didn't know which way to go. "Uh sure...yeah, tonight. You have dibs."

"Good. I'll go make sure Havoc got Al's things to the house okay."

"He's staying with us?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

Roy would never tire of hearing those words. "I love you too," he said, smiling.

Then Roy walked away as Ed ran to Al. They parted without touching, without the usual fanfare of first 'I love you's, and hardly looking like a couple at all, but tonight they would celebrate. They would say 'I love you' again with words, and finally through kiss and touch, and they would say it with their actions for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It kind of kills me to write from idealist Roy's POV when I know that Redo is in their future, but as this chapter shows, their relationship is far from perfect. It was fun to explore one of the downsides to RoyEd in this universe, and show that a secret relationship isn't fun or sexy, it's painful. The next chapter follows a similar theme, but it also highlights more of the differences in Roy and Ed's relationship in Rewind as a posed to Redo (or at least, what they're relationship could become in Redo).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think! :)


	9. In Which Shopping for a Mattress is Less Domestic Than Shopping for Drapes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a new laptop today, and it seemed wrong that the first thing I used it for would be homework, so I finished this chapter instead :D It's finals time for me right now, so I'm only popping on just long enough to post this and really won't have time for fanfic until after Sunday. So, please be patient with me for more updates.
> 
> This one takes place after chapter's 4 and 5, when Roy asks Ed to officially move in with him, but before Ed comes back to Amestris to stay.

Ed sighed-he didn't huff, Edward Elric didn't  _huff_ -from where he lay on  _Roy's_  bed, in  _Roy's_  room, in  _Roy's_  house.

"Isn't this place supposed to be  _ours_  now?" he asked, sounding only slightly more petulant than he meant to.

Roy poked his head out of the bathroom in surprise. He still had his toothbrush in hand. Did he have to have perfect hair and no spit on his face even when brushing his teeth? Ed had to fight the urge to pat down his own hair and try to smooth out the wrinkles in his boxers. Like his bed head and bare essentials pajamas would ever measure up to the fancy silks and things Roy wore even to bed.

"It is our place," he said, and he didn't even sound like toothpaste was in his mouth as he said it.

"There isn't anything in this place that's mine besides books and clothes. Can't I at least pick out some drapes, or a chair, or something?"

Roy blinked. "You want to pick out drapes with me?"

That sounded entirely too domestic and sappy. Heat rose in Ed's face, so he hid it under the pillow. "Shut up," came the muffled reply.

A laugh, then, "Give me a second," came from farther away. The pillow could have muffled the sound of Roy's voice, but Ed knew he'd ducked back into the bathroom to rinse out his mouth. "It's cute that your blush spreads all the way down your chest," Roy's voice said, closer that time.

"I said, 'shut up.'"

Another laugh before the bed dipped. "I don't mind you picking out some of the furniture here, Ed. I'd actually rather like it if more things in the house reminded me of you when you're away."

"I said, 'shut up,'" Ed repeated, although he wanted to curse since he knew the blush Roy could see on his chest was probably growing darker.

"I like the changes you made to my upstairs office. It works better as a-what did you decide to call it, library or study-and I really don't need more than one guest room downstairs, so the second one makes a good office. What else in the house do you want to change?"

Ed almost said to shut up again. Instead, he gave the question serious thought. "The bed."

"The bed...? What's wrong with the bed?"

"Nothing is  _wrong_  with it," Ed said before pulling the pillow off his face so that he could look at Roy, "But it's what I use most when here and I didn't even help pick it out."

The only thing that stopped Ed from blushing more at Roy's grin when he said it's  _what he used most_  was the almost bashful look in Roy's eyes. Something in Ed still warmed when he saw reminders that this was Roy's first serious relationship too.

"Let's go mattress shopping tomorrow," Roy said, and Ed studied his face for any other signs of amusement. Was he serious?

"Okay...I mean, if you wanna."

"Good," Roy said before leaning closer. "But let's make good use of the old one one more time." With that, he leaned in and kissed Ed.

* * *

 

When Ed rolled off the mattress, he could have sworn his sigh was echoed, but it was just Roy. Roy had been patient for most of the day, but he'd sighed for each of the last three mattresses Ed tried out.

"What's wrong with  _that_  one?"

"It's too hard," Ed said as he looked around for another mattress to try.

"The one before it was too soft, and the one before that was too long, even though they're all the same size. Ed, you've laid on every mattress in the store; surely one of them was comfortable."

It wasn't so much that none were comfortable, but none were  _right_. He couldn't imagine lying next to Roy night after night on any of them. He hadn't found one that would be perfect for lazy morning or passionate nights. Not a single bed had felt like  _them_ , Roy and Ed.

"We haven't tried all of them yet. What about that one?" Before Roy had a chance to answer, Ed was flopping onto yet another mattress. He looked over in surprise as the other side of the mattress dipped. Roy had stopped trying the beds out with him some time after the 7th one.

Roy rolled his shoulders before looking over at Ed with his eyebrow raised. "This one seems nice." He hadn't meant to, he  _really_  hadn't meant to, but Ed made a face, which in turn made Roy make a face. "What's wrong with it?"

Ed sighed again and threw his head back so that he was staring at the ceiling rather than Roy. "It's not-It just…ugh I don't know, okay? It doesn't smell like you, or your house.  _Our_  house, sorry. And it's soft enough, but there isn't that little dip in the middle from where you used to lay before I showed up and claimed half your bed. And without the dip, it's too easy to stay on my side of the bed. Why would I want to stay all the way over here when a concave mattress could be pulling us both in to meet in the middle? I mean, yeah there's not a lot of space in the middle, but that just means I lay on you, and it'll smell more like you, and…" he trailed off. He was rambling and saying a lot he hadn't really meant to, but at least he'd been smart enough to keep his voice down.

He'd kept it down enough, hadn't he? Was Roy mad that he'd broken his cover of being just a friend helping Roy buy a mattress? Or maybe he was mad that Ed had essentially just said he was never going to be happy with a new bed, and they'd wasted today because Ed didn't actually want a new bed. Either way, Roy was being way too quiet, and the longer the silence dragged on, the more red Ed's face became. He was such an idiot. Why had he bothered saying anything? If he ever stopped staring at the ceiling he was going to apologize, tell Roy he was happy with the house the way it was, and promise that Roy didn't have to change anything about his house.

But then Roy grabbed Ed's hand.

Ed understood then that this wasn't an angry silence; it was the sort of silence that said 'I want to kiss you right now, but I can't and that's killing me.' Ed understood those silences. How often had he wanted to hug Roy at the train station? Instead of looking at Roy, Ed squeezes his hand. Roy let go, and Ed knew that it was the last thing his boyfriend wanted to do. Roy would rather hold Ed's hand as tight as he can, or kiss him, or try out sharing the middle of this bed. More than anything, he wanted to say ' _our_  bed' and acknowledge that they were shopping for  _them._  But Roy didn't slip up on things like that, not the way Ed did.

Roy sat up, and Ed wasn't sure he was ready to yet. When he was lying down it was a little easier to pretend that they didn't have to pretend, and there wasn't an entire world trying to keep them apart and a million reasons that they weren't supposed to be together.

"What if you transmute the headboard?" Roy mused quietly before turning to smile at Ed. "We'll keep my old bed, but you can decorate it however you want. Or rather, you can draw the array and describe it to me, and  _I'll_  transmute anything you want."

Things like this were the reasons that Ed knew the world was wrong, and he and Roy were meant to be together.

"Anything?" he asked as he sat up, and looked around. No one was near them. He must have done that smile Roy says can strike fear in the most seasoned warrior because Roy's smile faltered and some of the color drained from his face.

"I reserve the right to veto," he said wearily.

"I don't know, you said  _anything_."

"I'm not sleeping underneath gargoyles."

"Gargoyles are badass," Ed said as he stood up. "Okay, what about a black headboard made of skulls, and we can even give them red eyes-"

"Veto," Roy said, cutting Ed off as he stood as well.

"Oh,  _come on."_

He continued to try to persuade Roy on just how awesome their headboard could be as they walked towards the exit. No one was around to hear them, and they could joke in public and just be themselves. It was great and Ed loved it, but part of him wished someone could have overheard when he got General Roy Mustang to raise his voice and say, "I won't sleep with a skull!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter shows a bit more about the differences between their relationships in the two fics, and the problems with their relationship. Roy works less hard to look good around Ed in Redo, and I think that's a positive change. Unfortunately they have to deal with society's negative view of their relationship in both fics, but at least in Redo Roy will know he can start doing something about it sooner now that he knows he can make a difference.


End file.
